So last year we had a rare viewing of my 1983 film, “These Christmas Decorations are Shocking”. A video made to entertain guests at a Christmas party. It was really about the Emerald City, a homo bar, whom the owner would over decorate his yard and make a holiday destination/spectacle for all the townsfolk to ride by and ooh and ahh about.
The next year the hosts asked me to do another one. My cohort in this crime Roy Magee had the brilliant idea to make more fun of the homo bar owner, Corky. That was fine by me since I was out of ideas anyway. My story stemmed from some of the jokes at the party the year before about the fact that if he added another strand of lights to his yard he would plunge the whole town into total darkness.
I decided to make Corky a villain. I renamed him Corkscrooge and invented the idea that he steals all the power to run his lights leaving the villagers without electricity. We needed a central character and owing to the fact that he hated women, calling them FISH, I created a heroine. So enter Shanda Leer.
Thrill to the action as Shanda saves the day all in the name of womanhood.
Enjoy and Merry Christmas to us all…especially women.
Shanda's Christmas Victory:
Honors flysis Income beezis Onches nobis Inob keesis:
Many years ago when I was a little boy I would watch old movies. Sometimes I would even skip school if there was a good one and still kind of do. I’ll play sick and stay home from work and curl up on the couch and make a pig pen around me.
One day there was a screw ball movie, Murder, He Says, with Fred MacMurray and Marjorie Main about a man (Fred MacMurray) who works for, “the Trotter Poll same as the Gallop Poll only not in quite as much of a hurry.” He goes in search of another poll taker that went missing up at the Fleagle place. The Fleagle clan is crazy and is headed up by a whip-cracking Mamie Fleagle(Marjorie Main). The crazy family is looking for stolen money hidden in an old house with secret passages.
The secret to finding the money lies in a rhyme or like a cryptic Mairzy Doats that is repeated throughout the movie. Trust me, you don’t forget this rhyme. It goes, "Honors flysis Income beezis Onches nobis Inob keesis.". But it’s the tune that goes with it that sticks with you.
Years later I remember hearing the, “All Things Considered” theme on National Public Radio and thinking to myself that I know that tune. It’s the, "Honors flysis Income beezis Onches nobis Inob keesis" tune. I never thought much about it except for the fact that when I heard it I always sang the words, "Honors flysis Income beezis Onches nobis Inob keesis."
Surely this wasn’t a coincidence? The person who wrote the theme obviously was using the tune as sort of an inside joke. Turns out it’s not such a joke. As when NPR held a contest to put words to the All Things Considered theme and members of the audience responded with, "Honors flysis Income beezis Onches nobis Inob keesis."
BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE WORDS!
You be the judge.
Do Tell???
I live in
We train elite
We’re the home of the
One of those
He showed up regularly on the
He claimed that he was
Everyone in the area knows at least
Many have partners and have had for many years. It’s never been a secret. It’s my hope that hundreds will now come out to the
and freshen up the mix. It’s been so stale lately. Do I think this will happen? No. But I dream about it and besides many are already taken and of course all the
have
Bitches!
On second thought those
So congratulations to the
that now may safely come out come out wherever they are…
When the local news did some coverage of the issue the one and only dissenter was a big ole Country Bear.
Please honey me think thou doth protest too much and with that mustache and pot belly who could blame the,
HOMO-SEX-YULS.
He's Been Murdered to Death:
Murder used to be so stylish. What happened to that? I mean now days murderers are psychotics that shave their heads and do what Sarah Palin tells them to do. Let me back up a little, see there is this certain someone that I want dead. Not that I would ever take someone’s life or wish death on someone but their is someone that would make a lot of peoples lives happier if they would just up and die or wake up one morning dead. So a little secret happy place for me off and on throughout the day is a fantasy where I become a murderer. I imagine myself to be a stylish murderer wearing space age murder fashion designed by Paco Raban with the perfect little sling back heels just like Ursula Andress.
These Christmas Decorations are Shocking:
Many years ago I was asked to make a little movie to entertain some friends at a Christmas party. I agreed but was at a loss as to what the subject matter should be. Then I remembered taking little trips at night with my grandmother and her sisters to marvel at the electric lights all over town. We would drive around and stop and get out while aunt Bess snapped a few pictures for her scrap book.
Anyway the owner of the local homo bar was to be at this party. He was flamboyant with one of those (rare these days) flamboyant homo decorated homes. Each Christmas he would pull out all the stops and over decorate the yard with a million lights and vignettes then on Christmas Eve he would dress as Santa and climb the roof and give presents to the lil’chilren. Mostly it was for publicity.
The crowd attending this party would sort of snicker behind his back about all the fuss he made each year, “I would hate to get his power bill...” and “She’s such a show off...always outdoing everyone” and my favorite, “If he adds one more strand of lights the whole city will be plunged into a blackout.”
So one night during the holiday break I grabbed my friend Roy (the narrator of the Lights Lights Lights Lighting Emporium commercial) and James and we set out to film a Christmas light tour like my great aunts would have done but this time with shocking results. Then we came home and narrated it into a little travelogue. Incidentally the last house we go to is the very one that belonged to the homo bar owner.
He enjoyed it.
So should you,
Happy Holidays
Yes I'm a lazy blogger:
I've been busy traveling for work and working and then there is work and Halloween etc. I’m lounging. Lounging around in my own filth. Like a leftover present from the whirlwind that has been. In my defense I have been saving precious video memories. Well, one precious video memory.
Somebody’s got to do it.
Obscene Intuition:
*REPOST*
au-teur [ oh-tur ] –noun,
A filmmaker whose individual style and complete control over all elements of production give a film its personal and unique stamp.
Early on in my film career I was inspired by (ripped off) the Alfred Hitchcock Hour. It’s one of my favorite shows. The suspense the ironic endings the creepy music the stars and the sixties sensibility. It had it all.
I used to read Alfred Hitchcock’s Bedtime Stories when I was a child. I watched every movie he ever made. Tuned in faithfully to the reruns of the show, The Alfred Hitchcock Hour. So one day I set about writing a story that I felt captured the feeling of an Alfred Hitchcock Hour plotline. The result was, Obscene Intuition.
It’s one of my best pictures and tonight’s, Mystery Movie of the Week.
Once again it’s an ambitious effort around twenty-five minutes long. Recently restored and now with 25% more Millie Hedgehog, I like feature length films. Starring myself and my cousin and once again she’s really good this time. Press play then pause and let it buffer for a while then hit play and once again stick with it you won’t regret it once again, once again.
Enjoy your viewing or don't of Obscene Intuition
Southern Ladies, Accents & Recawds:
So the other day I popped in for a browse at my neighborhood resale shop and met a certain Mrs. Penelope Pepper. She’s one of those older southern ladies who is tall and slender with a larger nose and beautiful quirky teeth. She was charming, friendly and vivacious.
I was minding my own business when I overheard a very distinctive southern accent, an accent the likes you rarely hear these days. To be specific it was a non-rhotic accent. That is to say she didn’t specifically pronounce the letter ‘R’ for instance take the word ‘mother’ where most people would pronounce the hard ‘R’ at the end of the word her accent softens the ‘R’ into the letter ‘A’ as in ‘mutha’ or instead of the word ‘card’ she would say something like, “Let’s play a game of cawds”.
It’s ever so elegant.
Sometimes you meet people with a southern accent who place a hard ‘R’ at the end of words that end in an ‘A’. For instance the name Rhonda becomes Rhondar or put an ‘R’ after an ‘A’ into a word like ‘wash’ which becomes ‘warsh’ but that’s another story.
Anyway back to me minding my own business flipping through the record albums section when she meandered over and asked, “What kinda recawds do ya like honey?” At that moment I happened to be holding a prized and pristine copy of the Anita Kerr Singers, Spend this Holiday with Me which by the way I have been looking for, for about five years now. I held the album up to her and said, “I like old easy listening, jazz, exotica, and standards singers and I just found this Anita Kerr album...have you heard of Anita Kerr?” She looked at the album and nodded her head and said, “Why shoowa honey, I shoowa have in fact I have a whole cawpawt full of recawds.” Let me translate, She sure does have records and in fact a carport full of them.
We contin’yed tawkin’ and she innerduced herself and then also let me know that her husband is a reti’yed dentist, Docta Peppa. We exchanged phone numbas and made plans to rhondarvoo next week at her home for tea and to rifle through some recawds.
I went back to flipping the dusty stacks, Glenn Campbell, Sing along with Mitch, lots of homemade Christian records with terrible cover art (I should start buying those just for the covers), The sounds of Italy, France, Germany etc, Jim Nabors, and then I found a little piece of gold.
Co Star The Record Acting Game...YOU ACT SCENES OPPOSITE YOUR FAVORITE STAR
Featuring none other than Tallulah Bankhead!
What?
It’s a record of Tallulah reading lines from some of her favorite plays and some scenes made up just for this recording. It includes a script that you read from and ACT against Tallulah as your partner.
What?
I had to have it but at $150.00 it was a bit expensive. Oh wait I misplaced the decimal. I had to have it but at $1.50 it was a bit expensive for a mint condition gem. I plunked down my quarters and bought the damn thing and raced home to give it a listen. When I looked it up I found that it routinely sells for a $100.00 and so I felt that I got a pretty good deal. Besides I always wanted to act in a play opposite Miss Tallulah Bankhead.
Dahlings, let me just say that it is everything you would want it to be. I have provided a recording of a little skit entitled ‘Two in a Boat’ which I would imagine was inspired by her magnificent performance in Alfred Hitchcock’s magnificent film, ‘Lifeboat’.
So let yourselves go dahlings and enjoy trying to keep up with Miss Bankhead as she barely gives you enough time to say your lines and upstages you at every turn. If you like it download it and print out the script so you can play it at your next party. If you like it I shall recawd mo’wa of the scenes and scripts fo’wa mo’wa of yo’wa ennatainment.
Serendipity Singers:
So my friends I bet you have been wondering where I have been for the past week?
No?
Well fuck off then!
I have been trapped in 1980 something.
Going through endless video tapes that I made way back when and some that I’m uploading to the You Tubes.
Like the Serendipity Singers.
Enjoy.
I Don’t Think Any Of You Suffer As I Do:
The return of a holiday favorite,
Paper Doll Theater’s classic, “Christmas with Liz Taylor”.
Christmas with Elizabeth Taylor can’t be easy but what happens when Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds show up?
Tune in to find out and watch as hilarity ensues...
Murder is Fun:
One last thing before I trot off to New Orleans for a fabulous weekend of Voodoo and Halloween bar hopping, a little movie. A little incomplete unfinished movie. A horror movie that I began making some twenty years ago. A lonely abused boy (Edgar) finds a magic possessed ring that instantly makes him kill his mother (me). Watch for the marvelous Marcia Brady triptych on the wall above the bed. Remember this was 1988 before the famous Marcia, Marcia, Marcia phrase was ubiquitous. Also remember this was college days and my house was wrecked from making this bloody movie.
Enjoy,
Happy Halloween Ever’body
Those 2 Bionic Angels:
Farrah made me do it!
The sad passing of Farrah stirred a renewed interest in my lost films. When I say lost, I mean in the attic. Boxes of video tapes from 25 years ago languishing and some growing a visible moldy film on the edges of the tape. I haven’t owned a VCR in ten years. People ask me all of the time, “When are you going to transfer those old movies to DVD?” My standard reply, “I’ll get around to it one day...Mom.”
Inspired by Farrah, Monday I set out for the Loaves & Fishes Thrift Store and purchased a used four head Hi-Fi VCR for $14.99. I immediately screened Those 2 Bionic Angels and set about restoring it as best I could. The color is faded, the quality is less than original but the magic, the magic is still there.
Remember this was back in the day of video cassette technology. Editing consisted of two tape decks a turntable and a microphone, also very experimental of its time were graphics generated by the very powerful Apple II computer. I know, I know, way ahead of my time. This was 1985.
Yes we were kids and we mostly made up the dialog as we went along but there is a certain charm about it. It’s the period I think that makes it so awesomely bad that it’s good plus the acting. I just got tired of them replacing that third angel so I X’d her out permanently. I also made the two remaining angels be bionic for no particular reason other than for fun and it was all the rage to be bionic at the time.
It's an ambitious length of 23:39 so watch at your leisure and without any further fanfare (stick with it you won't regret it) I present the newly restored 1985 classic, Those 2 Bionic Angels starring my cousin her friend and myself with deleted scenes brought to you by L’Oreal, my version of the Andie MacDowell hawking L’Oreal cosmetics commercial that once played every other effin’ incessant minute.
Feel free to enlarge for that big screen experience.
Bubblegum Card Theater:
Participating in the Rocky Horror Picture Show is a right of passage for many strange teenagers and one in which they finally realize that they are not alone in their strangeness. I was one of those strange teens. Recently I uncovered some lost treasure and in it was a 1975 bubblegum card series complete set of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. This is what I have been wasting my time on lately. So enjoy and give yourself over to absolute pleasure...
My New Coat of Many Colors:
Sunday the temperature plunged from mid 60's to mid 30’s within the space of four hours. Let me just explain that yes it’s almost always sunny and pretty here but we suffer from the most unbearable humidity The evil humidity can make a temperature of 30 feel like 21 degrees. It is also bone chilling!
There is not enough heat or clothing or flames to warm a body consumed by bone chilling frozen humidity as it permeates your very soul. With that said my freezing cold bony fingers are slowly tapping away at a keyboard typing this desperate message; one of my frozen fingers just cracked and snapped in two. Wiping that visual from your ambivalent and uncaring memories let me tell you what I did yesterday to keep warm and be creative at the same time.
Earlier this year I went to the annual Hospice rummage sale which is like an antique store with bargain prices and all for a good cause. While browsing the men’s clothing racks I stumbled on a lightweight white cotton jacket with a now defunct but prominent local men’s store (Don Allen’s Men’s Furnishings) label sewn inside. I picked it up for a dollar and thought nothing of it except that I wanted to dye it. It’s a straight cut button up from the 60’s or 70’s that really did not interest me except that it was white.
During the holidays I received a gift card from my brother (thanks Scott) to be used at Hobby Lobby. I bought a basket full of dye with exotic names like Evening Blue, Tangerine and Fuchsia. I covered the kitchen table in plastic wrap, boiled up some dye in squeeze bottles and began to ruin my pristine white jacket with stains. Rubber gloves, rubber bands and an hour-long dye bath of 3 packages of black resulted in my new coat with splashes of red, green, tangerine and yellow flower explosions.
Also there is nothing quite like stirring a boiling pot of black dye to keep you warm and for the ultimate facial.
UPDATE: Just finished a shirt.
I Don't Think Any Of You Suffer As I Do:
Ayem8y