Are you tired and sluggish? Have you tried a new mattress? Do you want to sleep with your husband? Or not?
How are your spending habits? Not what they should be this holiday season? You should try the marvel of modern science and have your brain washed by,
Hypnotique Sleep Systems:
A triumph of technology, this new mattress delivers pulsating microwaves deep into your brain while you sleep through Suggestive Technique Thought Implantation Engram Replacement Therapy. It works to re-calcify purchasing and sexual impulses on the brain through re-culmination depositing. It returns a intricately freshly washed nexus of consumptive sexual behaviors.
100 housewives who recently underwent Suggestive Technique Thought Implantation Engram Replacement Therapy reported;
76% “Now hated what they were wearing.” 83% “Had the urge to purchase luxurious evening gowns.” 87% “Felt compelled to buy things they don’t need.” 93% “Were going to buy a new refrigerator.” 97% “Were purchasing new automotive upholstery.” 99% “Now say they enjoy sleeping with their husbands.”
I dig through trash piles! There I said it. I-Dig-Through-Trash-Piles. Are you happy now. Not just any trash piles but the really good ones. Like the ones and I hate to say this but the ones where somebody died and they just came in and took the furniture and threw out all the rest.
Like this one time I ran up on this place that had hundreds of garbage bags full of collectible stuff. It was like a gold mine. I took all of it and spent hours sifting through and by the time I finished I knew everything about the person who lived there right down to a social security card.
The following items were recently mined from the trash bags yielded from this trash pile unearthed many years ago.
Two 1966 Peek-a-Boo calendars from a local garage. They have a piece of acetate with bikini’s painted on.
Breck’s of Boston mail order catalog 1967. They have some good prices...
I’m ordering my entire spring wardrobe from Breck’s,
And some new disposable paper frocks,
And an Arnel drip dry shift,
I always thought Arnel was a pretty name, you know like with some exotic last name Like Arnel Valasquez.
Some shining Dynel wigs. Dynel would be Arnels’ twin.
A new corselette because my old corselette is just about shot.
A new personal daintiness on the go travel syringe because once again my old one is just about shot.
Some new leprechauns to guard the garden. These are good quality leprechauns I can tell. If it’s one thing I know it’s a good quality leprechaun and these are good quality leprechauns.
The ultimate in piercing. Slow acting time released automatic self piercing rings.
I've been meaning to get around to glamorizing my wall phone.
Every car should have a child catcher harness restraint strap thing.
I also found an enormous box of Wacky Packages and the like.
Patty Duke at her most wretched, warbling selections from Valley of the Dolls. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the liner notes of this album, better yet...Let’s listen in...Next time I'll explore the much maligned sequel, Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. Sparkle on Neely O’Hara.
Theme From Valley of the Dolls
What you will hear in this superb collection has been hailed as 'the excited voice of Patty Duke, which is not, as it sounds, a misnomer, but which is a deliberate way of suggesting that Patty Duke's lustrous, range-rich and expressive voice displays the very essence of excitement itself. Of course, Patty is an exciting singer, but precisely because her voice is excited and emotional and full of action.
The songs themselves are diversified, in keeping with Patty Duke's own wide and considerable talents. The numbers demonstrate the subtle nuances of character, of mood and of motivation, of deep human understanding of the troubled soul who sings them. This is the personality of 'Neely O'Hara' in "Valley of the Dolls", the destroying and self destructive, self-centered and eruptive singer which Patty Duke portrays with such power and verisimilitude.
The combination of singer and actress is a rarity in show business, as the long history of the musical stage has so often attested. Patty Duke combines both talents in a stirring and striking blend of rare accomplishment. Her achievements as a stage and motion picture actress, crowned with a coveted and much deserved Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences Oscar Award for her unforgettable performance as young Helen Keller in 'The Miracle Worker' are well known. If it were at all possible, Patty Duke surpasses herself as Neely O'Hara in "Dolls", and one detects the magic of her talents in the warm modulations of her voice, in the heart-touching airs, the nostalgic themes, and above all, the deeply moving arias which come through.
What impresses above all is the diversity and range of Patty Duke's performance. Here gathered together are different songs which express the gamut of emotions which charge through vibrant and dynamic Neely O'Hara. And different they are, for they exhibit the changing moods of a woman alternately in ecstasy and anguish, self-pity and romance, bitter cynicism and bright hope, yielding softness and brassy harshness. There are few performers who can offer this gamut of human emotions with such clarity and with such controlled power. Patty Duke has added to her laurels, and added to your entertainment pleasure.
This kitchen is miraculously clean, So where is Mom? While busy washing, ironing, and cleaning you would think Mom had no time left to cook for her family.
So true, but today’s hardworking modern housewife has a secret weapon.
She has a Magic Kitchen®
Yes Moms everywhere save time with Magic Kitchen®. Even Shirley Temple has more time to enjoy her Mom, right after taking a magic pill, smoking a magic cigarette, and eating her magic breakfast.
Feeling nostalgic about my roller disco days I went searching for it on the inter-web. Many, many years ago when disco was a lifestyle, I was a little too young to have participated. I know it’s sad but luckily disco permeated the stratum of cultural atmosphere and created a mini micro disco universe known as the Roller Rink. To me it was Studio 54 except that it had less celebrities and drugs. Everything else was exactly the same at least according to what I saw and read in People magazine. The spandex clad cliques rotating and trucking in syncopation underneath the mirrored disco ball...it makes me weepy just thinking about it. Anyway, In searching I discovered so many other people share this fascination of adolescence and coming of age in a roller rink. One particular site is dedicated to the now deceased “Motor City Roller Rink” which is a virtual treasure trove, a cornucopia if you will even of campy retro Roller Rink remembrances.
100 housewives who recently underwent Suggestive Technique Thought Implantation Engram Replacement Therapy reported:
76% “Now hated what they were wearing.” 83% “Had the urge to purchase luxurious evening gowns.” 87% “Felt compelled to buy things they don’t need.” 93% “Were going to buy a new refrigerator.” 97% “Were purchasing new automotive upholstery.” 99% “Now say they enjoy sleeping with their husbands.”
