Marry Him the Minute He Asks You:

Hooray!

The Supreme Court has decided that the revered institution of marriage is available to same sex couples across the land. Hurry Hurry Mississippians, Texans and Missourians, act fast before your states secede from the union and form their own countries.

I started this blog with a post about gay marriage. In it I proposed that gay men should boycott heterosexual establishments and only do business with other homosexuals. Gay I.D. required! Hairdressers, decorators and florists should refuse services to senators wives until they begged their husbands to let the gays get married already so they can get their hair done properly dammit. And, that's just the cliche occupations.

I'm happy about the decision even though I've no one to marry. Well, maybe there are a few prospects out there who are willing to call upon an old spinster for some courtin' and sparkin'. Perhaps this ruling will move us into the realm of legitimacy. No longer are we that odd bunch of perverts bufu'ing each other in a leather bar. It's nice to see a rainbow-pay-off at the end of a long gloomy national thunderstorm.

If this would have happened in the 1980's, we would not be talking. My dream of becoming a gay gold digging black widow would have been realized by now and I would be sitting in my New York penthouse planning a get away to my private island in the Bahamas.

It's never too late.

It's Raining in Florida:

Somewhere in a dingy trailer park in Oklahoma, Anita Bryant weeps tremendous tears for the children of Florida.

I Need to See Some Gay I.D.

So happy to see that Mississippi still has some people with an activist mentality. In a previous post I suggested that businesses should display the rainbow flag as a way to show their support for shoppers without incurring discrimination or businesses that do discriminate should fly the rainbow flag with a swastika in the middle of it.



Two business owners in the Fondren district of Jackson have gone one further and have done just that! They have created a decal for businesses that support diversity without prejudice and discrimination. The decal simply states, “We don’t discriminate - If you’re buying - We’re selling.”

So proud to find out my local Bakery, when I lived there, Campbell’s Bakery and the owners of William Wallace hair salon, both located in the hip Fondren district spearheaded this initiative.

If anyone saw the movie The Help then you probably saw the Fondren area depicted in the movie. My High School was located on the edge of Fondren, which, made it easy to ditch school on lovely Spring days and have lunch at Brent’s Drugs, also depicted in the movie, then stroll up to Campbell’s Bakery for some pastry confections, where you could see teeny tiny ballerinas shimmy through the space between two buildings to load up on sugar between dance classes.

The Fondren area is where the gay bar, Emerald City was located. Where at 16 I was allowed to pass for 18, the legal drinking age of the time. The handsome off-duty cop that worked the door was kind enough to look the other way when I.D. was required.

Thanks handsome off-duty cop for letting this happen and for not giving me a speeding ticket the day you pulled me over and then tore up the ticket once you recognized me and told me to slow down and to get my butt home.

The first businesses to move into the revitalized Fondren district were Max Contemporary Furnishings and Petal Pushers Florists. I knew the good looking and talented gay owner of Petal Pushers from the bar scene and I met the owner of Max from hanging around (bothering) her at her shop. She offered me an internship when I finished my interior design degree. I took her up on her offer.

So, thank you Max, Campbell’s and William Wallace salon and all of the other pioneering individuals/artists for standing up for what is right and creating the, “We Don’t Discriminate/ If You’re buying/We’re Selling” slogan and campaign.

Like I said, “I need to see some gay I.D.”

Sophistication:

Mississippi legislature approved S.B. 2681 yesterday. The bill reads “State action or an action by any person based on state action shall not burden a person’s right to exercise of religion, even if the burden results from a rule of general applicability.”

The bill leaves it open to employers and individuals claiming rights to discriminate on any basis — race, religion, gender, perceived national origin, etc., — as long as they can claim a religious reason for doing so.

Okay...Okay.

I grew up in Mississippi. It’s a beautiful state with a rich history and a defiant streak. When they rounded up the negroes and lynched them, that was bad. When Elvis or Tammy Wynette and countless others had a compulsion to get out of the Delta and do something big, that was good.

Now they want to make discrimination legal. I think it’s safe to say that most of the country just assumed it already was legal to discriminate in Mississippi. Why now? Why are they digging into this issue?

It’s not intolerance or bigotry it’s about sex. This country has an unnatural fixation on homosexual intercourse. Whenever you are invariably outed as a “homosexual” the person being informed about this matter automatically thinks about two men having butt sex. Lets take the sex out of the identification. 

Homosexual is the clinical term. I identify as Gay. I don’t go around saying, “Oh...you’re a heterosexual.” Why? Because it’s unsophisticated. People have all kinds of strange proclivities. Try to develop some sophistication about such issues.

As for Mississippi’s latest ignorance, I’ve always thought that gay business owners could do far worse damage with such a law on the books. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’m free of prejudice. I’m just a little more tolerant and sophisticated about it.

But don’t piss me off! Or I’ll refuse my services to you and your unwed pregnant daughter.

Imagine targeting the Mississippi Legislature with a boycott of services provided by gay people. No more hair appointments, no more new curtains, no more new design or construction. 

I’m also going to be so bold and claim with no factual evidence, statistics or made up percentages that, “Gay People Invented The Arts!” That’s right. THE ARTS! Music, Theater, Dance, Fine Art and Literature. All invented by GAY PEOPLE.

I think God made the homosexual for this reason alone. That and we cut down on population but think how boring the world would be without us and the arts. Stop fucking with God’s special creature.

But I think a boycott would be mean and gloating in the face of inevitable victory for equality. Forcing zealots to fly the Gay Unfriendly Flag would be on our part an act of poor taste and retaliation. But it would be so much fun. Instead I think I’ll sit on the lawn like Evita and watch with sophistication as the LGBTQ invade their country clubs.

And now let’s hear a little something about sophistication from the sponsors of this post, 

The Ritchie Sisters.

Gay Married:

Saturday was busy, honey. Honey is the, old but new again, catch all term of endearment around town except that it is pronounced extremely southern, hon’eyh. Anyway hon’eyh, after a long day gettin’ da crinimals outta jail, I raced home to do a quick change and go to a commitment ceremony. The couple are old friends celebrating the day they met and fell in love twenty years ago. And hon’eyh, it was a big to-do. To-do’s are big around here. It’s never just a to-do it’s always a big to-do.

Mainly peoplelated by North Hill residents. I live on the other hill, East Hill. So, I was flattered to have been invited, since there are railroad tracks involved in the division of both hills, if you get my drift. Both Hills are desirable but the North Hillers seem to think better of their hill over the other. Then there is Gulf Breeze, a part of the city on the other side of the bay and in another county surrounded by water and closer to the beach. Breezer’s are superior to Hillers. It’s complicated.

“Happy is the bride the sun shines upon…” It rained and rained and rained. “Rain is good for the farmers, so I hear, hon’eyh.” The dress code for this event was not publicized and it is after all post Labor Day, so I opted for a blue suit with a white unbuttoned dress shirt, no tie, especially since I had all of three minutes to change. Most of the guests were men wearing what I call the Panhandle Bahamas Look, gauzey pastel un-tucked shirts with gauzey pants and sandals. I’m so glad I didn’t wear this look, BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING!

Both sets of parents were in attendance, which everyone found charming. This town is very GAY and GAY FRIENDLY. (Yes I’m typing in caps because I’m yelling at you.) All the straight neighbors were there and they love us, also we increase property values. But hon’eyh, it was like Grindr up in there. The pairs were flying out the door. “Did you see Vance hook up with Kevin?” “Eww.” It was like playing a big ole gay match game.

Things I overheard myself saying;

“I said Morlocks not Daleks.”
“If she says hon’eyh one more time.”
“Actually no,  I don’t know what you mean. Because you say, ‘know what I mean?’ every other breath...know what I mean?”
“And please, stop trying to vary your incoherent ramblings by interchanging, ‘you feel me?’ with, ‘know what I mean.’ Please!”
“No. I’m not interested in a hook-up as you say.”
“Please go away.”

In addition hon’eyh, there was a very handsome Jason Statham knock-off in attendance. I thought I would include a knock-off picture of him for the end of this post.

Fun Search:

DOMA IS DONE!

That's all.

Carry on.

Gay Hampster:

According to Chron.Com/Top AP National Stories,

“Governor Lynch of New Hampshire is expected to sign legislation allowing Same Sex Marriage but wants the law to be modeled on Connecticut's, which he said contains better protections than the proposal adopted by the New Hampshire Legislature. For example, Lynch wants to be sure an organist employed by a church opposed to gay marriage could legally refuse to perform at a gay wedding.”

Of course the church organist is going to complain. At an opposite sex wedding he only has to blow about 1/4 of the guests but a same sex wedding is filled to the brim with organs.

Gay Vegas:

The whole gay marriage thing seems to be picking up steam at the oddest moment in time. Strange how Iowa fits into a bunch of gay friendly states, rednecks turn me off and rednecks turn me on it‘s a vicious circle of simultaneous attraction and repulsion happening at the same time with that state.





















The thought has occurred about becoming some sort of a Gay Gold digger or a Park Avenue hooker who marries old queens for their money like just before they die and pass on all their stuff like a penthouse and a yacht. That thought only encourages already pre-existing bad tendencies.






















Nevada should be the next state to legalize gay marriage. Half the country would be same sex marriage within six months. Either as a joke, legitimate, protest, mistaken identity, legal reasons, medical reasons, etc. So many quick weddings would take place. These marriages would have the same import that previous opposite sex marriages once had.






















Then the movie “The Women” creeps into the gay marriage fantasy. Taking up residence at a gay dude ranch in Reno for thirty days to get a gay divorce sounds kind of hot. Dejected previously married gay men with nothing but time and horseback riding to do. Heaven! Then the Scarlet O’Hara spider like already pre-existing bad tendencies looking for prey come back again. It’s a big gay vicious circle.

I'm Always the Bride:

Congratulations to all of the happy couples exchanging vows (legally) in California. It must be a wonderful feeling. Really best wishes to you all. I’m bitter. First off even if it were legal in Florida for gay couples to marry, I wouldn’t have that special someone to marry. Gay marriage is officially banned in Florida and now a proposed constitutional ban on gay marriage has landed on the November ballot. Really, so they want to amend the state constitution with a hateful discrimination clause. Wow. I had no idea how many people who’ve never met me actually hate me. A whopping 60% of those polled agreed to casting their vote for the ban. I didn’t realize that Anita Bryant was still alive, she’s an evil witch and she cast a powerful spell...all in an effort to stop my supposed wedding from EVER taking place.

It seems to me that weddings in general are tacky! I find myself coordinating them all the time, and isn’t it odd that as a gay man I can’t have my own tacky wedding, but I’m desperately needed to “fix-up” someone else’s. While I’m watching the reception going on and the bride and her maidens are “backing they asses up” on the dance floor I can't help but think that I never want that to happen to me. I mean standing at an alter for almost an hour after binge drinking all night before God and all creation declaring undying love just gives me the heebies. It’s such hypocrisy, till death do us part in translation means three year contract at best. Most of these unions don’t last that long and Momma and Daddy shucked out thousands of dollars so their princess can end up with three children with three different fathers. If you ask me you are better off investing that money, but lately I receive a chunk of that money and I find that my attitude is changing. Let’s make it bigger and more tacky. That’s more to remember when you wake up one day next to a big fat jerk. But still I want my opportunity to do just the same thing, the tackier the better.

It would be fun to just all out make it the ugliest thing anyone ever saw in their lives, after all brides are a nervy breed and at the moment of planning the event they have dreamed of all of their lives, they suddenly loose all of their good sense and will begin to make bad decisions. That’s why they hire wedding planner’s to steer them away from such bad decisions and during this intimate relationship between a bride and her planner she places complete control in them. I could very well tell her, "Tacky, Tacky, Tacky," and then say, “I’ve just had a brilliant idea, let’s add more tack to it,” and she would nod and go along with it as if it were the most marvelous suggestion she’s ever heard. However, being the good designer that I am, I can never let that happen, too much. I admit I have advised a bride to do something just because it made her look silly or I created some decoration that stuck out like a sore thumb just for the fun of it, but only when it’s insisted upon.


You know, Judy Garland inspired the Stonewall riot that helped free up the gay people and I wonder if today's gay community can rally and pull together and do what needs to be done and that's PROTEST.

If all the gay people decided to place an embargo on all straight people I think things would get interesting. I suggest gay people only working for other gay people or gay sympathizers. Trade amongst the gay community must stay within that community and, “I want to see some gay I.D.” Let’s start with the hairdresser’s, what’s a women to do if she can’t have her hair done by a professional stylist, she goes to the Beauty Shack that’s what. Not all hairdresser’s are gay but if they aren’t they're barbers. Fashion designer’s could make everyone pee green with envy especially if the latest handbag or shoe style is unobtainable to heterosexuals. Art dealer’s, Florist’s, Designer’s, Antique dealer’s are just the cliche’ professions, but my mind is swimming just thinking about all these poor women nagging their husbands, the senators, to just let them get married all ready so we can redecorate the house, and have new clothes and decent hair styles.

12 Reasons Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society:

The Gator Gay-Straight Alliance was founded in Fall of 2000 to involve both gay and non-gay University of Florida students in its mission to end homophobia.

More specifically, the Alliance seeks to make sexual orientation as unimportant a consideration in people's minds as hair or eye color.

Homophobia takes many forms - from a gay joke, to a casual anti-gay word, to outright anti-gay behavior. Some would argue that "That's so gay!" isn't about gay people. If it's not about being gay, then why use the word?

The Gator Gay-Straight Alliance’s top 12 Reasons Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society:


1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.

10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.



Gator Gay-Straight Alliance