The Bathroom Sign in My Whorehouse:

Optimus:

Christmas in Florida doesn't feel very Christmassy with the palm trees wrapped with lights and the temps in the 70's by day and 30's at night. I got my present early this year, a 5 ton HVAC unit! I’ve been freezing my ass off for years in this Victorian debtor’s prison. I can handle the heat but not the cold. The Canadians have no pity. “You people don’t know what real cold is…”

Fuck off snow birds!























The culprit is humidity. It makes the cold air bone chilling. You just can’t get warm. In the summer the humidity makes your skin glow and I thrive under these conditions. When they complain of the stifling 75 degree heat wave I tell the snow birds, “You people don’t know what real heat is…” When you live under extreme conditions your blood adjusts its viscosity. I’m a heat miser whereas you’re a snow miser.

Fuck off snow misers.























The HVAC unit isn’t completely installed. It’s not in the bathroom or the entrance foyers yet. So I saved one of the hundreds of little space heaters for the bathroom. He warms the tile, defogs the mirror while showering, and dries me afterward. I love him. After the second week of February when summer begins and the snow misers start to complain and shuffle back from whence they came I’ll put Optimus away in the attic and crank down the new fantastic AC contraption.