Hypnotique Sleep Systems:

Are you tired and sluggish?
Have you tried a new mattress?
Do you want to sleep with your husband?
Or not?











How are your spending habits?
Not what they should be this holiday season?
You should try the marvel of modern science and have your brain washed by,

Hypnotique Sleep Systems:

A triumph of technology, this new mattress delivers pulsating microwaves deep into your brain while you sleep through Suggestive Technique Thought Implantation Engram Replacement Therapy. It works to re-calcify purchasing and sexual impulses on the brain through re-culmination depositing. It returns a intricately freshly washed nexus of consumptive sexual behaviors.













100 housewives who recently underwent Suggestive Technique Thought Implantation Engram Replacement Therapy reported;


76% “Now hated what they were wearing.”
83% “Had the urge to purchase luxurious evening gowns.”
87% “Felt compelled to buy things they don’t need.”
93% “Were going to buy a new refrigerator.”
97% “Were purchasing new automotive upholstery.”
99% “Now say they enjoy sleeping with their husbands.”

ENGRAM REPLACEMENT VIDEO

ENGRAM REPLACEMENT VIDEO

For more info visit Hypnotique Sleep Systems:

Sleeve Face:

Sleeve Face

Meanwhile at The Old Watson Murder Farm:

Guests arrive by steamer for an exciting Murder Season.

















Chauffuer driven motor coaches whisk murder parties to their luxurious destination.


















Well appointed suites await at The Old Watson Murder Farm located on an idyllic alligator infested canal.


















Appropriate murder attire is expected.



















Each day your trained trapper will bring the thrashing alligator to the surface for you to murder as he guides your party on two morning alligator hunts and one afternoon Dodo bird kill.



















Ladies murder groups are welcome and “Special Lady Murder Guides” are provided for just such occasion.

















Alligator Joe is on hand for skinning your catch. Joe will carefully salt pack your excess alligator meat, delivery is guaranteed to arrive fresh as the day you murdered it. He also crafts exquisite footwear and luggage.

















Madame,"Cook", boasts 850 recipes for murdering and preparing alligator meat.
























Each guest will murder at least one alligator per day or the cost of the hunt is free.

















Our murder hunts are GUARANTEED!
























This is truly a once in a lifetime murder adventure that your family will always treasure.

Good choreography never goes out of style:

Everyone says the Eighties are back.

I say NAY.

It’s the Seventies all over again.

Vagical Fallout:

Ob-gyn-taining a gyneochological appointmic aint easy these days. Press 1 for other options.

Nellie:

I always wondered what happened to that lost 18 ½ minutes of Nixon Watergate tape.

How do you solve a problem like Maria:

A retelling of The Sound of Music. Stick with it until 5:00 when it really gets dirty. Courtesy of Reavis.

*Attention*

Casting call is underway for another fabulous Mr. Peenee Production to be staged at the elegantly well-appointed club My-O-My. Anyone familiar with Peenee Productions knows of the director’s penchant for lavish stage designs, over the top costumery, chorus boys, liveliness and vivacity of imagination and top-notch-first-rate-performers.

The master is currently auditioning semi-professional trannie entertainresses for the upcoming Coco Vreeland headlined dragaganza entitled, “You're Too Big for Polka Dots”.

Better hurry and get down on Peenee’s casting couch, as he doesn’t like filling last minute slots. Listen ladies this is a star-making opportunity not to be missed so get your acts together. Stage names and musical arrangements required!

Spokes Modeling:

Local bumbling redneck spokespersons are a rare breed. I find ads while thumbing through the Northwest Florida panhandle entertainment trade papers that state, “Fulfill your dreams of becoming an in demand spokes personality.”

Eligible applicants undergo rigorous training including courses in, fidgety on-air body behavior, country accent voice modulation and mind/body disassociation for more pronounced awkward hand gesturing.

Upon graduation you are matched-up and permanently placed with a local business in need of corny spokes services. There you will (in 30 second promos) irritate viewers forever.

Meet Hank Browne a recent graduate of spokes model school. He is a [ferny-tur] business owner who was desperately in need of the sales driven promotions afforded by a quality personality. When he was unable to be successfully matched with a model he took matters into his own hands. He enrolled in broadcast personality courses and became the permanent spokes model for Home Place Furniture.

Suffering Sappho:

“And now from the continuing sagas of the Justice League of America…”

Wonder Woman in, “The Return of Brunhilde”.

Everyday Art:

Witness the "Waterpicasso," which blends great art with a mundane task

Tacky Treasures

R.I.P. BOZO:

On a gloomy Fourth of July, I’m doing what I usually do, lying in bed watching porn and obsessively switching channels.

Stop! Stop right there.

I navigate back to the image that peaked my interest.

There! Right there.

A familiar image. It’s my good good friend Bozo. You know the clown? Dead at 83. I hadn’t spoken to Bozo in a while but the last conversation seemed to be on an upbeat note.

Recovering from an addiction is a nasty thing and one should support friends with nasty addictions. Bozo was a little blue and not because he had used too much blue grease paint but because of his forced retirement from show business.

The call of applause and the adoration of millions of children is an evil vice. He never recovered. Sadly his last days were spent in the isolation of center ring on the sun porch of the Chicago Sunnyvale Celebrity Clown Community Retirement Center.

I’ll miss you Bozo.

Now where did I put that frame. Gotta get you into a frame and on the wall. The wall of autographed dead celebrity framed photos that grows ever more cramped by the day.

A shrine really.






















Bozo Obit

12 Reasons Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society:

The Gator Gay-Straight Alliance was founded in Fall of 2000 to involve both gay and non-gay University of Florida students in its mission to end homophobia.

More specifically, the Alliance seeks to make sexual orientation as unimportant a consideration in people's minds as hair or eye color.

Homophobia takes many forms - from a gay joke, to a casual anti-gay word, to outright anti-gay behavior. Some would argue that "That's so gay!" isn't about gay people. If it's not about being gay, then why use the word?

The Gator Gay-Straight Alliance’s top 12 Reasons Gay Marriage Will Ruin Society:


1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.

10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.



Gator Gay-Straight Alliance

Legally Dumb:

MTV’s “Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search For Elle Woods” gives ten vapid ditzy hopefuls the opportunity at a shot of becoming the new Elle Woods.

You would think that it would be an easy task. Put ten airheads on stage and pick the “blondest” one, Right?

Wrong!

I guess it takes a smart woman to play a dumb gal because these girls are really...like...bad.






















I have a better idea for a Legally Blonde reality show.

A version of, "The Most Dangerous Game" but with blondes.

Take ten blonde hopefuls and strand them on a deserted island.
Arm them with an array of deadly weapons and assault rifles.
Film the ensuing bloody mayhem, and only "ONE" can win.
The final contestant becomes licensed and registered.
She may now enter the general population as, “Legally Blonde.”

Good luck to the blonde hopefuls,
see you in the bloody winners circle.

Movie Night:

Since I’m so sick of television, I have decided to pull from my ancient collection of VHS and watch a classic tonight. I’ll be screening the 1966 horror film “Picture Mommy Dead” with Don Ameche and Zsa Zsa Gabor. I’ve never even heard of it yet here it is in my collection.






















If anyone should stop by please be advised that admission is free but by all means bring popcorn and Snowcaps. Sssshhhh! No talking during the film. Blurting out campy dialogue is acceptable only if you bring a joint and only before the film starts and during intermission.
















Smoking will only be tolerated before the film, after viewing the film, intermission and during the discussion of the cinematic technique. Once again joints will only be tolerated before, during and after the film. No exceptions.

The Lovely Couple:

A toast to the lovely couple as they forge ahead in their life of love.

I just love her eyebrows they go so well with her nose and tattoo. His hair is gorgeous, so long and luxurious it goes so well with his beer belly.

Such a lovely couple...SUCH A LOVELY COUPLE.

I want to pose for couple love pictures at Glamour Shots...but first I need to couple.

Mack Daddy:

Through a course of conversation with a Mrs. Threadgill last night I decided something. Something very definite...something revelatory and binding. If for some reason I should ever return to the stage...my costumes simply must...must...be created by Bob Mackie.






















Speaking of Mackie has anyone heard from Mitzi Gaynor lately? She had like forty-eleven dozen television specials back in the day...here’s a Must see Mitzi Montage that features Mitzi doing some signature Mitzi moves all while wearing the often avant garde creations by Mackie.

I Need Another Bump:

Thombeau at FABULON recently found himself explaining the 70's dance craze, The Bump. I myself was recently placed in this unpleasant position of having to not only explain but also to demonstrate this uncomfortable maneuver.

Aint Gonna Bump No More With No Big Fat Woman



Many mornings headed to school were made much more entertaining by listening to the latest novelty fad.

Bertha Butt Boogie



They just don’t create cheap thrill novelty dance fads anymore...these poor kids today...they have absolutely no novelty fad legacy to fondly remember one day in their old age. Oh wait...yes they do...Disney’s High School Musicals I & II. Because I’m FABULOUS ...LALALALALALA... FABULOUS.

Ice Ice Baby:

Tonight was a Disney dream come true. High School Musical I & II On Ice that’s right ON ICE. I’m not sure if it was because they skated the entire production on ICE or because the entire production was skating while loaded on ICE. I'm still unclear on that...unclear like being loaded on ICE.






















Either way it was sheer heaven, an auditorium filled with 12 year old girls screaming at the top of their lungs for the make shift Troy Bolten or booing the fabulous Shar’pay. Hmmm...when the audience booed Shar’pay I found myself cheering...why?...why? You ask?...because she’s Fabulous!


















...Ice tea imported from England, Lifeguards imported from Spain, Towels imported from Turkey, Turkey imported from Maine...it just doesn’t get any more fabulous than that...wait is this thing still turned on?...turn it off...for Christ's sake, turn the damn thing off already...

FABULOUS

Have To Get Off From This Ride:

Patty Duke at her most wretched, warbling selections from Valley of the Dolls. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the liner notes of this album, better yet...Let’s listen in...Next time I'll explore the much maligned sequel, Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. Sparkle on Neely O’Hara.

Theme From Valley of the Dolls



What you will hear in this superb collection has been hailed as 'the excited voice of Patty Duke, which is not, as it sounds, a misnomer, but which is a deliberate way of suggesting that Patty Duke's lustrous, range-rich and expressive voice displays the very essence of excitement itself. Of course, Patty is an exciting singer, but precisely because her voice is excited and emotional and full of action.











The songs themselves are diversified, in keeping with Patty Duke's own wide and considerable talents. The numbers demonstrate the subtle nuances of character, of mood and of motivation, of deep human understanding of the troubled soul who sings them. This is the personality of 'Neely O'Hara' in "Valley of the Dolls", the destroying and self destructive, self-centered and eruptive singer which Patty Duke portrays with such power and verisimilitude.






















The combination of singer and actress is a rarity in show business, as the long history of the musical stage has so often attested. Patty Duke combines both talents in a stirring and striking blend of rare accomplishment. Her achievements as a stage and motion picture actress, crowned with a coveted and much deserved Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences Oscar Award for her unforgettable performance as young Helen Keller in 'The Miracle Worker' are well known. If it were at all possible, Patty Duke surpasses herself as Neely O'Hara in "Dolls", and one detects the magic of her talents in the warm modulations of her voice, in the heart-touching airs, the nostalgic themes, and above all, the deeply moving arias which come through.















What impresses above all is the diversity and range of Patty Duke's performance. Here gathered together are different songs which express the gamut of emotions which charge through vibrant and dynamic Neely O'Hara. And different they are, for they exhibit the changing moods of a woman alternately in ecstasy and anguish, self-pity and romance, bitter cynicism and bright hope, yielding softness and brassy harshness. There are few performers who can offer this gamut of human emotions with such clarity and with such controlled power. Patty Duke has added to her laurels, and added to your entertainment pleasure.

Liner notes by Gene Kelly

Listen to Patty sing more selections from Valley of the Dolls:


This Just In:






















For Mitzi who said, “I prefer Dionne Warwick singing this she's more pleasing to the ears.”

Now really does anyone do this song better than Dionne?

Theme From Valley of the Dolls, Dionne Style: