Years ago my Mom would sit me down in front of the department store Christmas catalogues and say, “Circle what you like and I’ll make sure Santa knows what you want.” Then she’d hand me a,
And I would study the pages and pick out the things I wanted.
I was never disappointed when I unwrapped the presents under the tree.
Here are some of the things in Christmas past that I circled.
The groovy clock.
Dapper Dan.
Leopard print jammies.
Snoopy.
Robots.
Lava Lamps.
Lester AND Hugo.
Barbie’s Karosel Kitchen. I know, I know, I cried when I got a baseball mitt until my dad went to the store and got it for me. 
So Christmas present has not been good. Really it's been horrible. We all get the Christmas we deserve.
Here’s a list of things I want Santa to bring me this year.
Auntie Mame’s Chinese front door. Complete with eye holes and smoke. Just like the ladies room at the oriental theater.
Robbie the Robot! With real working subservient behavior. Able to make a dress from diamonds!
An I-Victrola.
The Jill Munroe Paper Doll. 
I WANNA BE MISS TRUCK STOP FAVORITE! Just once in my life, I wanna be the FAVORITE. Not including second grade class favorite.
Here’s my Christmas Music Extravaganza. It’s filled with groovy music. Not your ordinary playlist! Listen to it.
Happy/Merry blah blah blah.
Christmas Present:
Tis The Season:
Been busily decoratin’ my new tree today. Well it’s not a new tree and it’s not new to me. Let me take you back to the fall of 1994 when I was cycling through the older section of North Hill-upon-downtown and I ran across a box placed curbside. The huge old Victorian mansion was run down but still rather grand and there it was a box with a vintage silver aluminum Christmas tree inside. It had never been used. All of the limbs were still unwrapped in little paper sleeves.
SCORE!
I’ve only ever put it up twice since then. I scoured thrift stores for just the right ornaments and found electric blue satin fabric wrapped balls.
It was elegant.
The next time I had the color wheel that spins around and changes the tree from green to red to blue to yellow...I had reflective silver balls to reflect the colors.
It too was elegant.
Over the years I lost the color wheel. I know, but I run across them from time to time at thrifts but have you checked the prices on EBAY lately? Fuhhh.
I decided to feel Christmasy this year. Haven’t really felt it the last few years, but this year it kinda swept over me. Been digging in the magic attic all weekend finding all sorts of stuff I haven’t seen in ages. Started throwing the tree up right after Thanksgivin’. Only doing Christmas upstairs this year as it’s got a more modern feeling.
Keep it contained you know, Christmas has a way of spreading all over the place and becomes the bane, a bitch to clean up and pack away.
Needed a new tree topper in honor of the Silver Aluminum Christmas Tree’s return and looky what I found. 
Black Santa.
Now if only I could find a black baby Jesus manger...
One thing leads to Another:
While dozing off the other night, TCM was screening the 1967 beach classic, Don’t Make Waves which is remarkable for several reasons. First it’s based on a book entitled Muscle Beach and the beach scenes in this movie feature lots of vintage muscle men like David Draper and skimpy bikini clad women.
Second it stars Tony Curtis just moments before his delicate boyish beauty faded into middle aged Italian wrinkled alcoholic .
Thirdly it introduces Sharon Tate in a spectacular slow motion acrobatic herkie jumping trampoline scene. Just beautiful and then two years later she was...well you know...she was dead.
The next day while street walking in a lavish shopping centre, I overheard a Christmas song by Doris Day. I began thinking back on Doris and how she was the oldest living virgin and how Phyllis Diller once made a comment on a Doris True Hollywood Story about how, “You know it was that Marty Melcher her husband and manager that swindled her career into bankruptcy.”
So I wikipedia’d old Doris to refresh my memory. I love the reliable wikipedia and how it’s one of those sites that everybody can just make up something and post it five minutes ago. Well, turns out Doris has recorded more than 650 songs and is currently the top-ranking female box-office star of all time, ranked 6th in the top ten of mostly male stars, the only other female is Shirley Temple.
Doris married trombonist Al Jorden who was outraged when he found out that she was pregnant, he had demanded Day get an abortion. Doris refused and in turn, Jorden physically abused Day throughout her entire pregnancy. Then on February 8, 1942 she gave birth to a son, Terry, filed for divorce, left the baby with her mother and went back to work. Later she married Martin Melcher and Terry Jorden took his name and became Terry Melcher.
Terry Melcher worked for Columbia records producing for artists such as the Byrds, Glenn Campbell, and The Mama’s and The Papa’s and worked with the Beach Boys.
This is where it gets interesting;
“In 1968, Beach Boy Dennis Wilson introduced Melcher to ex-con and aspiring musician Charles Manson. Manson and his "family" had been living in Wilson's house on Sunset Boulevard. Melcher was interested in recording Manson's music, as well as making a movie about the "family". During that time, Manson met Melcher at 10050 Cielo Drive, the home Melcher shared with his girlfriend, Candice Bergen. Manson eventually auditioned for Melcher, but Melcher declined to sign him. There was still talk of a documentary being made about Manson's music, but Melcher abandoned the project after witnessing his subject becoming embroiled in a terrifying fight with a drunken stuntman at Spahn Ranch. Both Wilson and Melcher severed their ties with Manson, a move that angered Manson.
After severing ties with Manson, Melcher and Bergen moved out of the Cielo Drive home. The house's owner, Rudi Altobelli, leased it to film director Roman Polanski and his wife, actress Sharon Tate. Manson visited the house looking for Melcher, but was turned away as Melcher had moved. On August 9, 1969, the house that was once occupied by Melcher was the site of the brutal murders of Sharon Tate (who was eight months pregnant at the time), coffee heiress Abigail Folger (known as Gibby to her friends), hairdresser Jay Sebring, writer Wojciech Frykowski, and Steven Parent, by members of Manson's "family". Some authors and law enforcement personnel have theorized that the reason that 10050 Cielo Drive was selected by Manson was to target Melcher as revenge for Melcher's earlier rejection of his music for a recording contract, and that Manson did not believe it when told that Melcher and Bergen had moved out.”
Could have been Candice Bergen instead of Sharon Tate.
So kicking off my Seasonal Holiday Christmas Play List here is the first song, that song from Doris that started me on yet another one thing leads to another and then ends up with Charles Manson as usual.
Happy Manson Holidays
Martian Christmas:
Kitty was excited to discover that there was a movie entitled Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. He loves anything to do with Christmas and bad movies and camp so he was extra excited.
I happened to see this movie once as a child during an afternoon double feature matinee. No I’m not that old but back in those days the theaters would run all sorts of movies for the kiddies no matter how old they were.
Anyway I mentioned that it was a bad movie but campy bad you know like good. It also starred a young child actress who later grew up to be the award winning world famously bad actress Pia Zadora. You know, "Let’s get naked and smoke and iron the chick’s hair…dig". Sorry kitty she wasn’t the little girl in pigtails she was the little Martian girl.
The double feature that day also screened another terrible Santa Claus movie from fascist Mexico entitled, are you ready, Santa Claus. It was far and vastly superiorly worse. However it did have this trippy scene where Satan is sent to ruin Christmas. Honestly the things they made us kids watch in those days not like the stuff they dumb them down with now. But that’s another story…
So for anyone willing to listen I offer up Santa Claus Conquers The Martians Audio Book. It’s really good and when I say really good I mean it’s really bad but good…campy good. After listening to this record you won’t need to use the sleep spray to send you off to beddy bye.
