Showing posts with label The Family In The Attic:. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Family In The Attic:. Show all posts

The Family In The Attic:


If it’s Easter time then it could only mean one thing for the Family in the Attic, Fashion Frocks!






















“Might I suggest for Madame something in a blue and white short sleeve polyester double knit top with a geometric print and coordinating white sheer chiffon accordion pleated skirt? Oh and a belted waist, the belted waist is very in this season you simply must have a belted waist. And for accent, blue pantyhose and sensible shoes, a respectable shampoo set, aluminum cat eyeglasses...and a single pink corsage pinned to the shoulder...”










































“And for mademoiselle, A powder blue satin mini with complementary ribbon sash empire waist and a matching cape. White hose and pumps, and a pompon doodad hair ornament completing the ladylike transformation...Oh and an entire round coffee table of chocolate bunnies, chocolate bunnies are very in this season, you simply must have an entire coffee table of chocolate bunnies...”

























The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:


Special Mega Picture Holiday Edition Of The Family In The Attic:



Well it’s that special time of year when I let the family out of the attic to enjoy the holiday season. It’s much easier to decorate for Christmas when the ghost of Christmas past dwells in the rafters. Much of these kitschy knick-knacks are still up there. The eternally red floral arrangements flanked by red-flocked reindeer? Yep they’re here including missing bits of flock from the mice chewing on them over the decades. What about that silver aluminum Christmas tree with rotating color wheel spotlight? Yep it’s also here.

Let’s take the tour shall we?






























We arrive at our destination to find a bright and friendly front door wrapped in shiny paper to look like a present. Isn’t that the most creative thing you ever saw? I’ve never seen that done before.


























Seasonal fragrances overwhelm once inside this warm and cozy cottage. The eye is immediately drawn to the mantle that is fully decorated and features Santa’s sleigh filled to the brim with a red plastic floral bouquet pulled by a pair of reindeer.


























Everyone needs to have one of these things.

Ideals magazine was once bursting with crafty holiday decorating projects back in the day like these gold spray painted pinecones and magnolia leaves accented by red tapers and faux poisonousettias.


























The right side of the mantle is obviously reserved for this delightful display. No it’s not Rudolph the red nose reindeer but just everyday ordinary red-flocked reindeer trotting through a field of silver aluminum tinsel and balls. Brass sticks with gold candles add that certain touch of elegance.































Mother is mighty proud of her silver tree. Meticulously adorned with pink balls awash in a drifting bank of snow. Mother sports a powder blue housedress with white lace appliqué and slippers. Silver coiffure and cat glasses match the tree and complete this harmonious ensemble.































Grandma the tireless director of decorating activity takes a moment to rest and pose for a snapshot in a slipper chair upholstered in scratchy pink Lurex fabric that matches the drapery and balls. Actually she never moved because she directs all of the household activity from this location. She’s been wearing the same black mourning dress forever. Uncomfortable point-toe pumps accompany the somber silhouette.


























The holiday table has been set and the candles have been lit. Papa is eager to dig into this holiday supper that his hard earned dollars have provided. The feast is fit for this king, featuring the seldom-used china; the even more seldom used silver service and the avocado green electric bun warmer that’s never been used.































Afterwards the happy sated family gathers in the parlor to sing carols and read aloud the glorious sentiments inscribed inside the many numerous greeting cards taped to the doorway. Examples include, “Seasons Greetings from Navy Federal Credit Union” and “Happy Holidays to you and yours from Dr. Alvin Reed DDS”.































Everyone’s favorite older sister and Breck girl is outfitted in a navy pea coat inspired frock. Her dashing husband attired in olive drab permanent press slim fitting slacks escorts her. The families only grandchild harnessed in a seasonal red pea coat inspired polyester smock accompany the lovely couple.































Our pretty little budding ballerina takes a moment to lounge in front of the tree striking a nimble grownup pose. She’s minutes away from readying herself for her grand debut at the family parlor makeshift stage for tonight’s thrilling rendition of the Nutcracker.































Now ladies and gentlemen put your hands together and welcome to the stage tonight’s principal and only dancer, Mademoiselle Carleen. She will be performing all of the parts and characters for this evening’s ballet, The Nutcracker, to be executed in thirty-seven acts.


























The moment the entire household has been anticipating has finally arrived, The Big Haul, the visit from Saint Nick. The glorious scene is filled with toys, gifts, and newly homespun outfits that have been provided for the happy family.


























Carleen is rewarded for her lovely performance with a lemon yellow box crate bicycle with matching; whitewall tires, handle grips and a banana seat. Somehow I think Santa tipped off Carleen about this present, as she is dressed to match her gift.



The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Meet Ogden. Meet Ogden’s new navy blue three-brass button suit. Nice reserved collar and lapels with good padding of the shoulder a classic look. Stunning skinny blue plaid tie with small four-in-hand knot. Matching pocket square a very square pocket square and a nice detail that’s overdue for a comeback. *Announcement* Very square pocket square’s are back and are now “IN”.

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Our little ballerina is at again. Honestly this family must have spent a fortune on dance lessons for this girl throughout the years. I wonder what role she will be dancing tonight? Fresh maiden with a pretty peasant frock...I’m guessing she will be Giselle for this evenings performance in the prestigious Pensacola Ballet.
























Maybe she’s a little Swiss miss Heidi yodeling away about her grandpa back in the alps.
























“I am sixteen going on seventeen” I’m definitely feeling Liesl Von Trapp from this one.
























I’d like to think that she went on to be a principal dancer in some professional ballet troupe that toured the world and she took up residence in Paris. Until she injured her foot during a production and now she owns a chic little night club where she does cabaret numbers to amuse her friends and guests.



The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:

A Very Special Family in the Attic: Thanksgiving Edition Mega Picture Post

Well everyone it's that time again, to dust off the silver and get out the good china because it's Thanksgiving time for the Family in the Attic. Here are some entertaining ideas from this happy family to help get you in the mood.


Start off by cooking your turkey...























Don’t forget your centerpiece...




















Use one of these things, it makes it seem like you know what you're doing...




















Make a holiday sweater ensemble...
























Insist that your guests wash their hands before dining...




















Always make extra helpings for that creepy wall eyed family that turns up uninvited...
























Remember it’s all about gathering around a table and ingesting more trans-fat in one meal than you should have in an entire month...




















Happy Thanksgiving, Ya’ll...From The Family in the Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Okay, I haven't the words for this one...but here I go...“Gee honey your hair smells terrific! Wow I’m kinda getting a little woozy from that intoxicating aroma emanating from your enormous beehive. Your so pretty you could be a Breck Girl.”

“Well thanks sugar, I’m kind of getting wet panties from looking at your bulging crotch in those skin tight 501’s.”

“Shut the fuck up Mom and Dad and just do each other already in the back seat of this huge ass sedan.”


The Family in the Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Ah here we have the lovely Carleen readying herself for a ballet recital striking a pose in fifth position. She is obviously Odette the queen of Swan Lake awaiting her love and liberator the handsome prince Siegfried. Carleen is dedicated to her craft practicing everyday, all day long in hopes of joining the prestigious Pensacola Ballet. Her enthusiasm is evident in her smirk and with the scads of classical records stacked high upon the stereo console, an inspirational ceramic swan and vase of artificial magnolia blossoms complete this illustration. Carleen is breathtaking wearing her sateen lemon yellow tutu confection, accentuated in tulle ruffles with pink leggings and slippers, topped off with an authentic marabou swan-like headdress and delicate neckline. Sshh...if you listen carefully you can imagine the roar of applause for Odette as she is about to make her golden grand glissade onto the stage...

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:
























MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA

I'm not sure but I bet the one in the middle is the ring leader. She looks devious and manipulative and has a bit of a Joanne Worley thing going on, plus she's tall and is wearing the pearls and has a big bust line. She probably twists the one on the right's arm until it hurts and makes her say uncle and then makes her do bad things like rob banks. The one on the left is pretty and has the fashion sense and is probably forced to sew all the dresses and dye matching Mary Jane shoe's white for the rest of them or else, Joanne will be really mad and write bad things about her in her slam book.

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:
























Mother Marge is simply breathtaking as she seems to be expertly trained in the art of a studied pose. Her servants are tucked away in the butlers pantry placing garnishes on a lavish feast that she herself slaved over for months. Marge has spent the better part of the afternoon at the salon under a dryer receiving a swirl of soft silver curls, close swept sides and back, with a wide face framing bang. Her maxi length gown arrived only moments ago from the dressmaker and features a large print paisley pattern in her signature silver and blue set against a background of crimson, topped off with an empire waist, gathered scooped neckline peasant blouse in a complementary shade of raspberry. An in demand and experienced hostess, Marge is ravishing awaiting her grand entrance. She takes the opportunity to snap a few shots in front of a huge color television console with a vase of artificial roses and sego palm fronds before her guests arrive for what is sure to be one of the hottest and most anticipated gala's of the holiday season.


The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Able bodied Brother Ben takes over turkey carving duties with a smile. He’s smartly attired in gray slacks featuring an expandable Hollywood waistline, short sleeved off white button down oxford, with an enormous matching hearing aid. As a reward I bet Brother Ben receives the largest portion complete with wishbone privileges.

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Our hostess for the evening is the lovely Aunt Verna posing hearthside. She looks divine, wearing a smart ice blue tunic accented in navy piping, waist cinch and two very practical pockets with matching footwear, carpet and drapery.

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:
























Snappy couple Uncle Winslow and Aunt Midge just popped in to wish everyone well, Winslow is downright handsome when he takes a picture, working the angle and showing his teeth, one hand in his pocket and the other around Midge’s shoulder. His classic look is achieved with timeless elements, consisting of a military hair cut, horn rim glasses, gray slacks and loafers. Midge is a raving beauty and a doll an absolute doll and I bet she’s crafty because I suspect her dress is homespun. I particularly like the treatment at the waistline and the three button closure, sew simple. She’s genteel and refined, opting for a subtle make-up application, and a restrained use of accessories, exhibited in her footwear, jewelry, and earrings, topped off with a respectable hair do.

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Look who just dropped by, Aunt Bee's busy body neighbor Clara from the Andy Griffith Show and her handsome escort Junior Sample from Hee-Haw. They make a charming couple, Clara sporting an Italian top coiffure with her harvest hued slacks and matching woodland scene blouse, ever so dignified and Junior practically liking his lips in anticipation of a fine turkey dinner. Junior is wearing a lightweight powder blue short sleeve chemise coupled with a pair of dark brown tweed adjustable waist Sansabelt trousers. A pair of point toed wing tip pumps complete his ensemble. I bet he unbuttons his pants afterwards...


The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























It appears as though the Family in the Attic had a kindly streak. Picking up hippie Greek fishermen from the bay to share in their family gathering feasts and the giving of thanks. Wally here is strangely sexy and detached, focused but aloof, posing with the confidence only possessed of a man with a plentiful penis. “I like your shirt, is that J.C. Penny’s Towncraft or Sears Active Wear?” If I could only touch the fabric, I’m sure that I could determine the hand of the cloth and specifically the fiber content ratio: I’m guessing 80% Dacron Polyester and 20% combed cotton. Nonetheless, Wally is sporting what I would call a “look”, the precursor to the nerdy beatnik chic, Greek fisherman’s cap, unruly bobbed hair cut, coke-bottle glasses, and a dastardly fiendish moustache goatee combo...mmm...he’s hot! On a particular note the ceramic Madonna statue standing sentry over the scullery, still resides in my home to this day. That’s right they left the virgin Mary behind for my perpetual protection.


The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:























Here's Marge whomping up a turkey feast with an electric carving knife in one hand, while basting with the other, all while effortlessly posing for a picture. Multi-tasking Mother Marge makes the most of her mission sporting Capri pants and a sleeveless turquoise turtleneck and push-up bra ensemble, accented by a silver rinse shampoo set and stainless steel rimmed cat eye glasses, a nice color coordinated touch I might add.

The Family In The Attic:

The Family In The Attic:

My first "family In The Attic" entry is a family portrait. I've changed the names and the species to Vulcan. From left to right: Yeoman, first class, TI'Chan, next to her is First Officier Suran, and to his right the very sexy Nurse T'Pana.

The Family In The Attic:























Mitzi Said...Poor old Doris Stagg, pictured left, like any other victim of domestic violence will tell you, living with the threat of violence is the worst feeling ever. She feared the slam of the door as he got in from the pub at night, the vein twitching on his forehead, as he demanded a blowjob, she would have to take out her false teeth first so as not to nip his bell-end again. The last time she nipped it Bruce had kicked her in the windpipe which caused it to collapse, she had to have an emergency tracheotomy tube fitted, but because he wouldn’t let her go to the hospital she was forced to perform the operation herself using a blunt knife and a tube of macaroni. Why didn’t she leave him I hear you ask? Utter fear, that’s why. Bruce kept her under lock and key and he kept a knife under the mattress just in case she stepped out of line. Bruce was a good artist and he liked to express himself by drawing pictures of dead people, with their guts spilling out. Because he wasn’t working he found it difficult to pay the bills that were mounting up, so Bruce had taken out a loan with the local tally lady Mavis Davis pictured on the right. Mavis was a kind woman, happily married to Edward with four children and 18 grandchildren she was very much liked by all. “I’m going to kill Mavis and bury her body under the floorboards” raged Bruce, one evening, he was so outraged he was foaming at the mouth and his face purple with rage, pacing around the living room like a caged animal, waiting for Mavis to knock at the door, she arrived promptly at 6pm. Doris in a panic rushed into the kitchen and shut the door behind her and fainted. When Doris came round they was something different about Bruce, he seemed twitchy, excited even. “I’ve done it,” he hissed, done what? Doris gasped. I’ve killed Mavis. She put up a fight, but it was easy I strangled her, blood poured out of her nose, ears, eyes and mouth I’ve buried her under the floor boards up in the attic along with some personal belongings on hers, he went upstairs and after five minutes came back down clutching Mavis's handbag. "Look!” he pulled out Mavis’s payment record book along with $500. Then he began to laugh like a maniac. His fingers pinched Doris’s neck tighter and tighter “There’s plenty of room under the floorboards he whispered, “If you tell anyone what I’ve done, I’ll kill you and your body will rot besides Mavis’s. Defeated and weak as a kitten, Doris limped around the house like a zombie, and two months later she had a nervous breakdown. “What’s the point of living?” she muttered, swallowing a handful of tablets. GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

The Family In The Attic:

I have this huge attic in my house, the kind you imagine being in a Victorian house, with lots of storage space but not as grand as the one on the TV show "Charmed". When the family moved out they left behind loads of boxes with various things crammed in them, nothing worthy of the “Antiques Road Show” but nonetheless interesting. See they had to put Grandma into a nursing home and at 87 she had lived in this house for over 50 years, so lots of stuff in the attic. NOT TO MENTION all the old lady stuff inside the house too, Venetian blinds, carpet, drapery, and faux blond paneling, etc. all updated nicely in the 1950’s. So I was poking around the attic the other day when I ran across a box under the rafters that I've never noticed before. Hmmm, I open it to find numerous photo albums filled with dated pictures of this family throughout the past century all posed in various rooms of my house. Interesting to say the least but nothing that gives me a glimpse as to how this house once was, just pictures of this family proudly posing for snapshots in a 1950’s modern make-over of my Victorian home.

I present to you,

The Attic: