The hallowed halls of Justice,
Opening arguments began today in the landmark Class Action Lawsuit of,
v/s
Infomaniac House of Beauty 
The plaintiff, MDP. 
Mistress MJ, arrives at Leprosy Island airport via Infomaiac Airlines.
Mistress MJ the owner and proprietor of Infomaniac House of Beauty enters the courthouse.
Former Infomaniac Beauticians also claim to suffer from leprosy as a result of Health Code violations and exposure to the plague which was used as an ‘anal bleaching’ ingredient.
Three surviving beauticians gather as witnesses outside the courthouse and recall the disgusting conditions at the Infomaniac House of Beauty, especially the Anal Bleaching Chambers.
Anal Bleaching Chambers
Miss Scarlet the Head Beautician and so called “Leprosy Lezzie” at the Infomaniac House of Beauty infiltrated the Leprosarium was apprehended and is now awaiting trial.
Keep this up and you’re in danger of losing your status as Official Penis of Infomaniac.
ReplyDeleteI would like to volunteer for jury duty! Will there be a per diem and/or drugs?
ReplyDeleteLies, lies, lies!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThey loved every humiliating moment of being strapped naked to an angry donkey and trotted up and down the High Street.
It's character building. Ask Mr Beastie.
Sx
I don't know what all the fuss is about. Customers could turn their leprosy to their advantage, by playing bagatelle on their faces, simply drop a ballbearing on your forehead and see how long it takes to reach the chin.
ReplyDeleteHere at House Of Flange we have a wonderful tried and tested (on animals) beauty secret, called "Frutox" Fruit and hydroxy acids are painted onto the skin to peel away those lines. It's a mixture of caustic soda, Kia Ora orange juice and battery acid that peels the flesh away, revealing that wonderful bone structure underneath.
MJ: “Keep this up and you’re in danger of losing your status as Official Penis of Infomaniac.”
ReplyDeleteThat is if I officially have a penis left once this ordeal is over.
XL: “I would like to volunteer for jury duty! Will there be a per diem and/or drugs?”
Volunteer implies that you work for free and for an excellent cause. The only drugs available will be the Anti-toxin armadillo serum. Personal anti-toxin armadillo’s are available for purchase from the bailiff or court stenographer and receive a %10 discount coupon if you mention that you caught leprosy at the Infomaniac House of Beauty.
Keep in mind that witnesses for the prosecution are dropping like flies. Incidentally the flies seem to swarm the corpses the moment that they drop dead.
Scarlet: “ Lies, lies, lies!!!!!!
They loved every humiliating moment of being strapped naked to an angry donkey and trotted up and down the High Street.
It's character building. Ask Mr Beastie.”
Even though the beauty procedures including being strapped naked to an angry donkey were fun and or erotic, it still remains that the House of Beauty was and is the source and the ground zero epicenter for a world wide Leprosy pandemic.
Mitzi: “ I don't know what all the fuss is about. Customers could turn their leprosy to their advantage, by playing bagatelle on their faces, simply drop a ballbearing on your forehead and see how long it takes to reach the chin.
Here at House Of Flange we have a wonderful tried and tested (on animals) beauty secret, called "Frutox" Fruit and hydroxy acids are painted onto the skin to peel away those lines. It's a mixture of caustic soda, Kia Ora orange juice and battery acid that peels the flesh away, revealing that wonderful bone structure underneath.”
Mitzi is now the Official Beautician of the Leprosarium.
When the dust has settled, I fully intend to steal Mitzi from you.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting my hat ready now. You can expect my entrance to be something
ReplyDeleteLike this
but less subtle.
MJ: “When the dust has settled, I fully intend to steal Mitzi from you.”
ReplyDeleteHah! Little do you know! Mitzi is a free agent and a “Hamper Whore” who works for no one or nobody exclusively.
Jason: “ I'm getting my hat ready now. You can expect my entrance to be something
Like this
but less subtle.”
First of all lady, that was exactly what I was thinking myself! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Secondly I would absolutely love having you show up in my courtroom drama. But the question still begs, which side are you on Alexis? The defense or the prosecution?
That is not even close to how I've envisioned Mistress MJ!!
ReplyDeleteJill: That misrepresentation of me is enough to strip Ayem8y of his “Official Penis of Infomaniac” status!
ReplyDeleteAyem8y: You’d better head over to Miss Scarlet’s.
She’s leaving town!
Yes... but aren't I right in saying that it was YOU who caused the epidemic? And it was YOU who rinsed IVD's warty wand in the Infomaniac vodka supply thus causing the wordwide leprosy pandemic!
ReplyDeleteI have it all on film...
Sx
Do you mean this warty wand?
ReplyDeleteIndeed! This is now to be known as exhibit 'A'.
ReplyDeleteSx
Good.
ReplyDeleteAyem8y won't have a third leg to stand on.
...he's been shown up for the scallywag he is and in future he should be careful where is casts his aspersions...
ReplyDeleteWell... job done. That's that little mess cleared up then.
Sx
The Trial of the Century... & you covered it so well... I smell a Pulitzer!
ReplyDeleteOne of my bitches just sent me this in a state near YOU.
ReplyDeleteWill there be cameras in the courtroom? This is one not to miss.
ReplyDeleteJill: I know! She creates this illusion to further her nefarious schemes.
ReplyDeleteMJ: I wished Miss Scarlet Bomb Voyage.
Miss Scarlet: So what if I caused the epidemic. Someone had better pay.
MJ: My lawyers have asked you repeatedly to stop spreading your vicious disease.
Miss Scarlet: Exhibit A: Is the Anal Bleaching Chamber that you were in charge of handling. And don’t tell me that you were just an innocent onlicker.
MJ: I don’t even have one leg to stand on!
Miss Scarlet: See you in court.
Stephen: It is the trial of the century…like two centuries ago and that’s not Pulitzer that you smell…
MJ: An episode of House the TV show featured Carville and Leprosy the other night…eerie and synchronistic.
Miss Janey: Please see next and future post!