I’ve just returned from my weekly makeover where an army of Madonna's beauticians have injected me with monkey glands, umbilical cord extractions, newborn afterbirth, slave essence and toxic waste. I’ve been slathered in human liposuction byproduct, sheep urine, rattlesnake venom, Chinese baby girl squeezings, and powdered Rhino horn.
I bribed Farrah’s mortician for her scalp which I’ve just had successfully transplanted. Can you feel the breeze? I’m flicking my mane as we speak. The witch of Endor was flown in and she’s done wonders with the line in my neck. My ears have been lowered by two centimeters and my teeth and nails were ejected and replaced with those of a recently abducted supermodel. Also I have purchased Liz Taylor’s organ donor card and will be having my new eyeballs installed shortly.
The procedure looked a little something like this:
Of course I could never HATE you because you’re beautiful...I have a hundred other reasons to hate you.
Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm so trying not to, but it's hard.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only one with this regime?
ReplyDelete"It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.”
ReplyDeleteOscar Wilde
I find your beauty to be distracting...
You're playing with dolls again? I thought we had had a talk about this.
ReplyDeleteI thought I had procured all of the newborn afterbirth...someone has some spainin' to do!
ReplyDeleteHave you tried Bag Balm?
ReplyDeleteOnce a week I like to give my body a good scrub using a potato mitt followed by a good layer of Brecknell and Turner saddle soap.
ReplyDeleteI have always believed that you can't hate others until you learn to hate yourself.
ReplyDeleteI love the blender as 'mad scientist' thingy with the electricity shooting.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your beauty regimen and this video artistry!