Seven Big Ones:

Well as you all know the venerable Mr. Peenee has given us a case of the meme’ses. And not surprisingly we’ve all fallen in line and obeyed him. List seven personality traits about you as evidenced in your blog or something like that. Should they be virtues or vices? I suppose I’ll have to settle for my negative qualities as that’s all I seem to display in public or on this blog for that matter.

I’m so not good with the meme’ses I just give it all away for free and leave nothing to the imagination, As Eve Arden said in Mildred Pierce when Monty was eyeing her figure atop a stool, “Leave something on me, I might catch cold.”

1. I’m mean. I like to have fun at other peoples expense, pick at their flaws, strip away at the veneer and leave them without dignity. It’s all just good clean fun right? Not really and in my real life I am sort of thought of as a nice person. I’m actually a gentleman who makes every effort to make others around me feel as comfortable as possible and a little levity seems to lighten the mood.

2. I’m dirty. Well we all knew that. But how do you know for sure? I say that I run around lurking around corners and bushes leaping at the chance to lick any living creature that comes near me. However I could be some horribly disfigured unfortunate Victorian prude, but I doubt it seriously.

3. I’m a pirate. I steal all the time. I’m opposed to stealing actual tangible valuables but I lift intellectual property on a daily basis. Every now and again I do have a streak of genius and completely concoct an original idea and this is very fleeting but when it happens it’s with a white hot strike of terror.

4. I’m an Exhibitionist. Once my Mother walked in the bathroom and caught me flashing passersby through the window and pronounced me as an EXHIBITIONIST! I was so proud to finally put a word to the disorder and for the last 43 years I have been showing my naughty bits to anyone who’ll indulge me.

5. I’m Aquarius, an air sign, an airhead, it’s all up in the air. I embrace the strange the unusual and the macabre. I live in the past and the future but rarely in the present. I constantly have to remind myself to be aware of the moment. This doesn’t mean that I’m vacant or not paying attention to the here and now just that I’m reminded of something out of the past or planning my next move or strategy for the future. When everything is in it’s right place and idyllic then I’m totally swept up in the moment.

6. I’m a liar. I lie all the time. More of an embellisher really. I lie big. For instance I lie and make things sound fabulous when actually they are just merely grand. I lie up. For instance when someone asks how old I am, I lie up and say that I’m 67 years old and they invariably compliment me for looking so good for my age. Actually I try not to lie as I’m racked with guilt afterwards. I don’t white lie either so don’t come to me if you wanna know if your ass looks fat in those jeans and yes honey you look tired and shopworn and they’re all going to laugh at you and why don’t you do us all a favor and just kill yourself.

7. I’m not politically correct. I don’t believe in it and it’s ruining everything and everyone. Just get over it already. He’s fat. She’s too black. And they are so gay. I believe in calling a spade a spade and I think you all know what I mean by that...it’s a little shovel.