Allow Me to Explain:
How to look like a $ Million and get lots of penis for less than $ Two dollars.
First you go to Tar Ball Beach. Sear your contents until golden brown, flip and repeat.
Go to da Thiff Stow, buy a vaguely Guatemalan ladies shirt, rip off the sleeves, spend ten minutes trying to button it up backwards. $ One Dolla.
Pair with a slightly above the knee silky seer sucker short with expandable slider waist clasps. Haggle with the paid drug rehab outreach sales clerk endlessly about the Barbie-Q stain = $ Free.
Then go to the Fiesta of Five Flags Parade. Admission $ 0.00. Take one free recyclable grocery bag and one small child. Place child on barricade prominently with recyclable grocery bag. Let her do the work. Stand back amongst the crowd, smolder, drink lots of booze, smoke, play hot or not with friends and share drinks and smoke weed with these ladies.
Take what you want and let small child have the rest of the beads, also make small child lug 15 lb. bag of cheap reject beads back to small cart pulled by a goat. (Saves gas).
Swing by the orphanage to drop off small child. Crack whip on goat, head to nearby homosexual watering hole. Spend ten minutes unbuttoning backwards buttons, feature prized Pensacola Beach Float beads on naked chest. Entice local trash to show penis in exchange for said beads. Never give up beads to drunken penis waggers. Tease and have lots of fun.