I am an Annoying Sneezer:
















You’ll meet me one day standing in a checkout line at some mid-level retail establishment. Suddenly I’ll interrupt business meeting stupors by startling everyone to death. Adrenaline courses through my spine while attending some gay function, church or theater production and audiences gasp at what sounds like gunfire amongst them and turn to face me.

I am an annoying sneezer.

I haven’t always been afflicted. It came on rather sudden. One day I have the most adorable little “Ha-Chew” and the next day I sound like an elephant “Ha Ha Ha Ha HA Ha-Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeew-AaaaBbbbLlll.

















I’m thinking of drilling a hole into my sinus cavity. To relieve the brain matter that oozes into my nose. It pinches and makes my eyes cross and then the explosion happens. Ka-Boom! I instantly feel much better and then I “come-to” and survey the room for damage.























I apologize in advance for my social unacceptability but on the positive side of the issue I always lighten the mood during crowded awkwardness. I’m forever to be known as the guy with the obnoxious sneeze.

I am an annoying sneezer.

8 comments:

  1. Hopefully you are not an annoying sneezer for long!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I wouldn't be content with just a simple "Bless you" whilst stood waiting in a queue at Home Bargains. I'd expect full genuflection with bending of the knees, they should also make the sign of the cross on themselves whilst chanting:

    et incarnatus est de Spiritu Sancto, ex Maria Virgine, et homo factus est

    Otherwise why bother. Bloody drama queens.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Happy New Year to you Ayem8y!

    ReplyDelete
  4. My friend's sneeze clocked in at 120 dB.

    I have to cover my ears when he's about to let one blast.

    It literally is painful.

    Please give us advanced warning.

    And Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Nonsense, I'm sure it's perfectly adorable. There's almost certainly a freaky porn site devoted to Truck Stop Hos with Da Big Sneeze. Go get it girl.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  7. I sneeze loudly, but I hickup like huge bird shrieking in fear! I can't control it at all! Very humiliating.

    ReplyDelete