Gay Married:

Saturday was busy, honey. Honey is the, old but new again, catch all term of endearment around town except that it is pronounced extremely southern, hon’eyh. Anyway hon’eyh, after a long day gettin’ da crinimals outta jail, I raced home to do a quick change and go to a commitment ceremony. The couple are old friends celebrating the day they met and fell in love twenty years ago. And hon’eyh, it was a big to-do. To-do’s are big around here. It’s never just a to-do it’s always a big to-do.

Mainly peoplelated by North Hill residents. I live on the other hill, East Hill. So, I was flattered to have been invited, since there are railroad tracks involved in the division of both hills, if you get my drift. Both Hills are desirable but the North Hillers seem to think better of their hill over the other. Then there is Gulf Breeze, a part of the city on the other side of the bay and in another county surrounded by water and closer to the beach. Breezer’s are superior to Hillers. It’s complicated.

“Happy is the bride the sun shines upon…” It rained and rained and rained. “Rain is good for the farmers, so I hear, hon’eyh.” The dress code for this event was not publicized and it is after all post Labor Day, so I opted for a blue suit with a white unbuttoned dress shirt, no tie, especially since I had all of three minutes to change. Most of the guests were men wearing what I call the Panhandle Bahamas Look, gauzey pastel un-tucked shirts with gauzey pants and sandals. I’m so glad I didn’t wear this look, BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING!

Both sets of parents were in attendance, which everyone found charming. This town is very GAY and GAY FRIENDLY. (Yes I’m typing in caps because I’m yelling at you.) All the straight neighbors were there and they love us, also we increase property values. But hon’eyh, it was like Grindr up in there. The pairs were flying out the door. “Did you see Vance hook up with Kevin?” “Eww.” It was like playing a big ole gay match game.

Things I overheard myself saying;

“I said Morlocks not Daleks.”
“If she says hon’eyh one more time.”
“Actually no,  I don’t know what you mean. Because you say, ‘know what I mean?’ every other breath...know what I mean?”
“And please, stop trying to vary your incoherent ramblings by interchanging, ‘you feel me?’ with, ‘know what I mean.’ Please!”
“No. I’m not interested in a hook-up as you say.”
“Please go away.”

In addition hon’eyh, there was a very handsome Jason Statham knock-off in attendance. I thought I would include a knock-off picture of him for the end of this post.


  1. In Hawaii, it is considered a blessing if it rains upon an event.

    1. Hi'waiians have such nice customs. With the hula and the grass skirts and the fire baton twirlin' hunks.

  2. Too bad Jason Statham wasn't a slutty bridesmaid, hon'eyh.

    You know, then kind you can get drunk on cheap champagne and pigs in a blanket...and then score with in the bathroom.

    Or maybe he was.

  3. I'm sure you wouldn't have turned down a hook-up with Jason Statham, and if you did, you need to get out of my way and let me try. Honey.

    1. I did mention a friend that lives in SF that would love to meet him...

  4. *imagines Jason wearing a dress shirt and sock suspenders chasing an excited Ayem8y round the bed before catching him, playfully slapping his buttocks until they're red raw and then taking him up the chute with his meaty cock*

    I recently attended a lesbian civil partnership, I was one of the witnesses, both the brides wore trouser suits and flat shoes. Sadly, there was no Jason Statham lookalikes there but one of the brides had a look of Hugh Scully.

  5. Sock suspenders factor into many of my fantasies as well as Mr. Statham and his meaty cock. Lesbians DO NOT. However, I have imagined what it would be like to fuck Buck Angel...and now he features in my nightmares...the ones with dungeons and torture chambers.