I have so many things to be thankful for this year and I try to remember not to complain. Like when I say, “It just can’t get any worse” I remember that it always can. For instance I remember the time my shoe lace got caught in the escalator and I said, “It just can’t get any worse” and then I lost my balance and plunged head first down the spikey moving stairs landing at the bottom where my hair got caught in the metal teeth and my scalp was ripped off.
Or the time I was driving down the highway behind a watermelon truck and the moorings broke loose and the melons became missiles that were launched in my path. After dodging them and pulling over I said, “It just can’t get any worse”. Afterwards I pulled back into traffic and a truck hauling sheet metal scraps pulled in front of me and a huge unwieldy piece flew off and collided with my windshield and I was instantly decapitated.
And then this one time…I was working on the automatic irrigation system and I was splicing two pipes together and a piece of polyvinyl chloride broke off and shot into my eye. After realizing that I was not blinded I said, “It just can’t get any worse” and then the evil possessed riding lawnmower growled to life and raced across the lawn mowing me down, severing my right leg in the process.
You were expecting a moral to this rambley story? Get over it and stop your belly aching and above all never say, “It just can’t get any worse” because it always can. Instead be thankful that you have your scalp, your head, your eye, and your right leg, even if they’ve all been replaced, you still have them.
Before I go and ingest ten times the legal limit of trans fat that the FDA imposes on a KFC, I would like to show all of you the latest thing that I am grateful for,
His name is Menow.
A friend of mine has a little boy who can't say the word, “Meow”. We play a game where we whisper animal sounds into each other’s ears. I’ll cup my hands and say, “Moooooo”. Then he'll do the same and say, “Menow”. Then we both roll on the floor laughing because whispering tickles your ear.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everybody and remember it can always be worse.