Saturday afternoon I visited the Cumming Lodge a very exclusive members only clothing optional sex club. Where I engaged in a most stimulating debate with Ralph Cockshute concerning third world female genitalia mutilation.
Soon afterward we were joined by Henry Horstick who informed us that having a penis circumcision was merely the opposite and that he only partakes of intact foreskin. Lots of grumbling and then the bashful Dick Aiken felt obliged to inform us that he himself possessed an intact foreskin. We all stood in a circle glowering at his shriveled penis which did indeed sport a rather pudgy misshapen shroud. Whereupon Hugh Jardon was reminded of an amusing story involving Anteaters. Then he and Dick quickly excused themselves.
Over to Hardman Hall for a luncheon lecture conducted by one of our Jewish members Iva Biggin bearing on the finer points of public restroom deviance. Many charts and graphs later, Issac Cock was thrilled to take the lectern and announce that Hardman Hall will now be serving 100 % kosher cock and Cornish game hens.
Returning to the Cumming Lodge I immersed myself in the spa when Pat McGroin and Phil Accio wearing scuba masks and snorkels jumped in and submerged themselves. Harry Butz ambled by and asked if he may join and when I informed him that the pool was quite occupied he poured in a bottle of bleach and stalked off in a huff. Just as well as Harry always leaves behind a thick film and clogs the drain with his long shedded pubic hair. 
Later Mike Rotchburns treated me to the most delicious gossip involving Lou Skunt who recently underwent a penectomy for health reasons and rather than electing reconstructive surgery opted for a vaginoplasty. Which he swore was infinitely more pleasurable. A few days later Mike Rotchburns gave it a test spin and claimed it was the most scratchy painful experience. 
During copulation Lou Skunt excused himself to the men’s room or ladies room, he wasn’t sure on this point, and when he or she came back Mike Rotchburns said that it felt much more like the fifty dollar hookers that he was used to. Mike Rotchburns asked what made the difference and Lou Skunt apprised him that the surgery wasn’t completely healed and that while he was in the restroom he removed a few stitches and picked scabs. Mike Rotchburns said that Lou Skunt’s recently installed vaginoplasty is now suffering from gangrene.
When I left I poured two bottles of bleach in the spa and one on myself.
I'm no tax expert, but this sounds like a working vacation to me, so you should be able to expense it!
ReplyDeleteThere was a wide assortment of Cheese and Crackers at the buffet, I'm guessing, right?
ReplyDeleteXL: I like the way you think. Expense it. After all I was working it.
ReplyDeleteJason: Well there was a lot of cheese.
Is Alan Cumming at the Cumming Lodge?
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I'm not booking an appointment.
What! Ben Dover and Phil McAvity were both a no show?
ReplyDeleteI've read all about vaginal surgery in Yours magazine. They can tighten it up and cut off the slack, shorten the flaps and they can even give you a hymenoplasty. Just imagine what a beautiful gift to give to your loved one, he'd be up and over like a pan of milk.
ReplyDeleteWhat a fascinating day! I wish I could have been there!
ReplyDelete