After years of successfully evading jewl’ry duty I finally received the letter, JURY SUMMONS. I report tomorrow at 8:00 in the moanin’. I don’t mind really. I like jewl’ry, makin’ jewl’ry, wearin’ jewl’ry etc. For years I moved around town almost once a year and I had a post office box for fifteen years. Not one time did I ever receive a summons. At least one that I know of. Moving a lot is the key to avoiding it. And a P.O. box.
So anyway I was all set to appear and serve my civic duty and was kind of looking forward to it when a friend said, “What if you get selected for a murder trial and they sequester you in some hotel and you lose your job and home...” Thanks BITCH! I wouldn’t wish that on a dog.
Then it occurred to me that the Billings murder case is still ongoing. Several individual cases have happened and some postponed. What if I am selected for one of those cases? My friend said, “Look on the bright side you’ll end up on Dateline type talk shows as Juror # 7 and make a bunch of money.” Thanks for wishing that out loud to the universe.
One aspect of that case is Pamela Wiggins. After the police rounded up the suspects they had one left. Pamela Wiggins. She owned and then harbored the get away van used in the robbery. She also buried the safe stolen from the case in her back yard. She was also later accused of bigamy. 
Ooh I want to be on her trial. I just know she did it. I just know she was the mastermind behind the whole thing. None of the suspects new the victims personally. Only Pamela could have had the opportunity to have met them socially and known about a safe that supposedly contained money and JEWL’RY.
We’ll see what happens. I’ll probably not be selected or if I do it will be some case involving an idiot that ripped up a $50,000 air conditioner for $50.00 worth of copper. Besides I can just look at a person and tell if he’s guilty or not!
Now on to what’s really important, What to Wear? I’m thinking subdued like J’lo.
Jewl’ry Duty:
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Oh honey, I've been summoned more times than I can count, but I've never been selected. Always a bridesmaid....
ReplyDeleteA note from your shrink. Just saying.
ReplyDeletePeenee that gives me comfort as I suspect you cut a dashing well-educated figure sweeping through a courtroom. One that’s not so easily swayed. I’m going for well dressed and bookish.
ReplyDeleteXL: First off I seem to have some delay in when you post and when it actually appears in my reader. Apologies for not responding, when I get there I seem to be the last one to the party.
That said...are you suggesting that I’m CRAZY? He thinks we’re CRAZY. Did you hear that he thinks I’m CRAZY? Well, we won’t pay any attention to what he says no sir’ree.
I don’t think I’ll need a note. When they see me tearing my hair out wearing a straight jacket then I think they’ll know just who they are dealing with.
*mutters something about it doesn’t matter if they are guilty or not I came here today to see a hangin’
Oh, dear.
ReplyDeleteI've been summoned more times than I can count and served at least twice.
As always, you should always remember what's most important about the law: how you enter the courtroom and what you wear.
Miss J thinks the Pirate has the right idea. She's never served on a jury, but she's convinced they don't look for anyone well-dressed and bookish. The troglodites who surrounded her last time she was being considered for jury duty made her know in her heart that there is a lot of intraspecies breeding going on in Los Angeles.
ReplyDeletei am another one that has never been called upon, but i so hope you get on the wiggins case and then you can write a book about the whole thing!
ReplyDeleteWell here are my tips for not getting selected:
ReplyDelete1) Developed a digusting habit. Like laughing and snorting at the most silly things.
2) Hold your ear as if you left your hearing trumpet at home.
3) Find a pair of old glasses and mar the finish of the lenses up real good - so you can't see the evidence.
4) Wink at the prosecutor, or better yet, the bailiff.
5) Pull your pants up - way up - so the waist band is at your nipples and smile at everything.
6) Give uncertain answers during the voir dire in which you seem uncertain as to what has left your mouth.
and for that extra special touch, rub strong chees in your armpits and then sweat profusly.
And most of all, when the defendent's charges include "exhibitionism" come nude to the jury box in solidarity!
See Jason I knew you would understand the finer points of courtroom etiquette.
ReplyDeleteMiss J with a sweater twin set a book and some glasses would be better serving in a Perry Mason episode as the ‘Why Miss Jones...you’re beautiful’ part.
Norma - We so think alike. Alas I wasn’t picked. Good thing too as the case was truly obnoxious.
Cookie - As for points 1-6...so that’s why I didn’t get picked! Also I was naked. I told you guys it’s important how you dress for court.
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ReplyDelete"I can just look at a person and tell if he’s guilty or not!"...that's exactly what you need to tell them during the interview process and I guarantee you won't be picked!
ReplyDeleteLooks like J Lo has one of those mop dogs on her shoulder...a komondor, I think is the breed.