As Mr. Nude Infomaniac...

As Mr. Nude Infomaniac I’ve been so busy with grocery store openings, restaurant photo ops, children’s birthday parties, and nursing home visitations, that I haven’t had time to think up inane crap for you people to read. Honestly it’s been a whirlwind of glamour and when I have some free time I spend it lazing poolside in the nude. It’s an honor and a curse really.

“But I’m a taker I like to take. I like to take my clothes off at the drop of a hat and at the opening of a door...”

What the Hell is this crap fellas? I like to think that I’m nice to my people and this is how you reward me? With drivel? When I hired you guys to write witty cue card blurbs and fetch me diet Shasta I expected you to do your jobs with integrity. Is that so much to ask?” DAAAANG!

"As I was saying, “I’m a giver. I like to give. I like to give blowjobs in the alleyway of the A & P...”

Alright I’ve about had it with you guys! Bring me the contemplative reflective speech that I wrote out on the toilet paper...NOW...STAT...!

“I do my best deep thought process while in the shower (in the nude) and as part of my ‘community service’ I try to think up ways to help mankind...Why I could while away the hours...conferring with the with the rain...I could be another Lincoln...with the thoughts I‘d be thinkin’...if I only had a brain...”

That’s it! You’re all so FIRED! Clean out your lockers! Get out! Beat it! SCRAM!

"What are you people looking at? You know I know you all have this image of Mean Dirty Pirate...“Mr. Nude Infomaniac“, I created that image myself, but when I try to present another of the many sides of the Mean Dirty Pirate aka Mr. Nude Infomaniac...and you people just won’t accept it...I REALLY HATE IT!"

No No, I’m alright. I’ll go it alone. I always do.

"I’m a leaver. And a quitter..."


I told you guys to knock it off already! Knock it off before I belt you outta here.

Sheesh! I’ll just wing it from here.



"I forgot what I was going to say."

"Oh yes,"

“I now declare this A & P officially open!”


  1. Alright Alright keep your knickers on...
    We get the picture... you're feeling a little unloved and un appreciated...

    That Nursing home appearance the other day... my sources tell me... caused a huge cat fight. apparently one of the old dears when she saw you had a stroke...the lady sitting next to her was just so pissed that she couldn't reach...

    Oh... your not wearing any knickers...

  2. If you're feeling overworked and underappreciated all you had to do was ask Mistress MJ for a day off.

    Or we could ask the doctor about changing your meds.

    Either way, you don't have another major photo shoot 'til Halloween so why don't you just chill for the weekend?

    *exits, muttering something about "high maintenance"*

  3. Does this mean there are openings for writing staff now? If so, do I get a company car?

    Oh Hai MJ & Princess!

  4. I have a garden centre that needs opening. I expect you to be there fully nekkid; now stop all this nonsense or I'll make you wear a griddle. And a tomato.

  5. Darling, we know how hard the work is but you are not just Mr. Nude Infomaniac, you are The Mr. Nude Infomaniac - you are the only one who could take this job and turn it into a memorable hand job for everyone you meet.

    There now, wipe those tears from your cheeks, and the dripping lube from your asstasic behind and look in the mirror and see what I see - a Mr. Nude Infomaniac that more thatn just a handsome face - more that just a penis or a great ass (that looks really sweet floating on a raft), I see someone who can change the world! Now here, take these pills, they'll make you feel better - and go out there and open this new Morman Church like no one else can.

    I know, you wanted to open a Morman "Temple", and now its just a church. But they expect you to be a "member" to get into the "Temple" and we all know how you love to knock back a couple cocks now and then and they frown on that.

    Well you go out there wow them. We wanna hear their jaws drop. We love you! Good boy!

  6. Good heavens.
    All these openings!

    I just don't know how you manage it.
    You're a pro.

  7. Bravissimo!

    I'll need an opener soon ...

  8. My dear Princess (Your Majesty) One unsuspecting day we’ll find ourselves in the same Old Ladies Home and I’ll wheel up to the solarium and find you napping. My nude appearance will be so startling that it induces cardiac arrest. The sight will also jolt your heart back into rhythm. From that day they dispense with the defibrillators and use me instead.

    Mistress INFOMANIAC, How can I take a day off when fans crave nudity? No meds necessary I’m pure and wholesome. I’m thinking of taking another nude camping trip along the river in the Fall so...

    *and I’ll have you know that I am not high maintenance, but rather a Whack Job...always whacking*

    Monsieur XL, as a matter of fact I recently fired the entire writing staff. Submit a sample of your work and remember I make dozens of appearances a day so please sacrifice the levity for the brevity.

    *No company car just you and me (nude) riding across country in me Ford van*

    Darling SX, How exciting this is to be invited to your big opening! I’ll be there standing at attention.

    *Make me wear a griddle? and a tomato? Are you planning to sear me and serve me up as an appetizer?*

    Cookie, the thought that I may be fodder for masturbatory purposes of the good people wanking in their computer chairs is thrilling. I’m getting a rise out of it. Thank you for the dolls...doll.

    “Welcome, welcome, welcome to the opening season of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...My close friends know how much I love without further adieu...”

    *Funny you should mention jaws dropping*

    Jason, Do I detect a bit of weary in your voice? I know you must be tired of seeing this tired old piece always nekkid., “Oh here he comes again...” I promise to keep a bit of cloth about for our visits.

    *Funny you should mention the word ‘pro’*

    Mags, I curtsey to your salutations.

    *Funny you should say that as I am known around these parts as the ‘can’ opener*

  9. that alley way at A& you double coupons?

  10. So you come crawlin' back to Penis Cola.... Well Penis Cola doesn't go booze and dope. Unless they're free.

  11. “that alley way at A& you double coupons?”

    I certainly do Norma. It doubles the pleasure.


    Peenee I always offer my tricks free booze and dope. It makes the experience a little more pleasant. Me on the other hand...I am not free but I am one hell of a bargain.

    *Just ask Norma*

  12. Great ass!

    But, I think I've said that before.