As Mr. Nude Infomaniac I’ve been so busy with grocery store openings, restaurant photo ops, children’s birthday parties, and nursing home visitations, that I haven’t had time to think up inane crap for you people to read. Honestly it’s been a whirlwind of glamour and when I have some free time I spend it lazing poolside in the nude. It’s an honor and a curse really.
“But I’m a taker I like to take. I like to take my clothes off at the drop of a hat and at the opening of a door...”
What the Hell is this crap fellas? I like to think that I’m nice to my people and this is how you reward me? With drivel? When I hired you guys to write witty cue card blurbs and fetch me diet Shasta I expected you to do your jobs with integrity. Is that so much to ask?” DAAAANG!
"As I was saying, “I’m a giver. I like to give. I like to give blowjobs in the alleyway of the A & P...”
Alright I’ve about had it with you guys! Bring me the contemplative reflective speech that I wrote out on the toilet paper...NOW...STAT...!
“I do my best deep thought process while in the shower (in the nude) and as part of my ‘community service’ I try to think up ways to help mankind...Why I could while away the hours...conferring with the flowers...consulting with the rain...I could be another Lincoln...with the thoughts I‘d be thinkin’...if I only had a brain...”
That’s it! You’re all so FIRED! Clean out your lockers! Get out! Beat it! SCRAM!
"What are you people looking at? You know I know you all have this image of Mean Dirty Pirate...“Mr. Nude Infomaniac“, I created that image myself, but when I try to present another side...one of the many sides of the Mean Dirty Pirate aka Mr. Nude Infomaniac...and you people just won’t accept it...I REALLY HATE IT!"
No No, I’m alright. I’ll go it alone. I always do.
"I’m a leaver. And a quitter..."
I told you guys to knock it off already! Knock it off before I belt you outta here.
Sheesh! I’ll just wing it from here.
"I forgot what I was going to say."
“I now declare this A & P officially open!”