Pensacola Babylon:

Most of my neighbors are elderly. I say are as they are all still living. Behind me is Mrs. Johnson who is now 93, next door is Mr. Dudley who is now 95. The rest of the hood is populated by crazy folks, lesbians and a now deceased certain infamous retired lady wrestler.

Me as Red Cross Worker.

Shortly after I moved into my house in March of 2004, 6 months to be exact in September, the town was hit by dozens of hurricanes. Ivan was the most devastating storm and a strong category 3 with winds clocked at 130 miles per hour. Needless to say I stayed put in my old house and commenced to get drunk and have a party.

Before the storm.

The next day I went outside to survey the damage, I lost a few shingles on a 30 year old roof and the top of a huge magnolia tree. I look next door and Mr. Dudley is scrambling up on his roof with a hammer and starts nailing his shingles back in place. I asked if he needed any help? Mr. Dudley said, “Nope I got it but thanks for asking”. So I get out my old pick-up truck and hook a chain around the fallen magnolia limb and start to drag it to the street. I wasn’t getting anywhere. Mr. Dudley appeared with an axe and started swinging. It didn’t take him 20 minutes to chop that thing into bits and we carried the now smaller pieces to the street.

After the storm.

The next month in October, Willie J. Junior an Escambia County Commissioner was indicted for a corruption scandal involving a real estate deal with felony bribery and money laundering charges. Junior went missing on November 9, 2004, the day before he was to be sentenced. Many assumed he had fled town to avoid imprisonment.

Willie J. Junior.

On December 9th, I was outside showing a friend around the place and we both waved to Mr. Dudley then walked around the corner to have dinner. When we arrived back home, the whole of Mr. Dudley’s property was wrapped in official yellow police tape and numerous officers were questioning the elderly gentleman. I walked over to ask what was the issue and Mr. Dudley said, “Well, they found a dead body under my house”.

The scene of the crime.

I was shocked! My mind was racing with possibilities; Was Mr. Dudley capable of murdering a person and then stuffing the body under a house? I immediately thought of the axe incident. Yes, yes he was. Would Mr. Dudley have done such a thing? No, I don’t think a 90 year old man who drives himself to church and sings in the choir would do such a thing. My next thought was, who could it be under the house? There had been much talk about a missing person in the news...who was it again? What was his name? It’s Willie Junior! That’s what I concluded on the spot. The infamous missing city councilman of the “Where's Willie” campaign.

"On December 9, Junior's decomposed body was discovered under the home of Ben Dudley, a former employee of the Junior Funeral Home, after one of Dudley's neighbors complained of an odor. He had $60.76 in his pockets, and Heineken beer bottles and an empty pill container were discovered nearby. Dental records confirmed Junior's identity the next day. Pensacola Police Department Chief John Mathis told reporters, "The results of the autopsy revealed that there were no obvious signs of foul play." It was later determined Junior died from ingesting anti-freeze, and the death was ruled a suicide."

Close-up of the crawl space where Willie J. Junior's body was found. Incidentally this is the view outside of my dining room window.

So they knew one another and in fact Mr. Dudley had worked for Willie Junior.

"The owner of the home, a retired schoolteacher named Benjamin Dudley, had known Junior for decades and used to work for his funeral home.

Police Chief John W. Mathis said the 89-year-old Dudley had nothing to do with Junior's death. No suicide note was found, but investigators believe Junior killed himself.

Dudley agrees. "I look at it from this standpoint: When you have problems, problems mounted on top of problems, you might do anything," he said. "Only Mr. Junior and the good master know what happened, and we can't get in touch with either one."

Two days after Junior was found, more than 250 people met on Dudley's lawn for a memorial service. As community leaders praised Junior's life, people in the crowd whispered conspiracy theories. Maybe it wasn't suicide, they said, maybe it was murder. Junior seemed happier in recent months, some observed. The day he disappeared, he got a haircut."

"How many people you know go get a haircut, then go lay down and die?" said Charmane Jordan, of the Me & Mom's Family Hair Care Center who cut Junior's hair on the day he was last seen alive. "Willie Junior was the type that every time you saw him, he was dressed up. Willie ain't going up under no house like a dog."

It still remains a mystery to this day what exactly happened and how. Needless to say I am very friendly with Mr. Dudley the man who said to me upon meeting him for the first time, “You sure picked a nice quiet neighborhood to move into” to which I replied, “Yes sir and I’ll try to keep it that way for you”.


  1. How rude! You just don't go climbing under someone's house and drink anti-freeze!! That's just bad manners.

  2. Goodness! I remember this story.

    But I'm glad you clarified about that picture up there.
    I wasn't sure if it was you as Red Cross worker...or you as Infamous Lady Wrestler or as Crazy-folk Lesbian.

  3. My, and I thought our neighborhood had issues. But some reason it got me thinking of the children's rhyme: "At the house where I do live, things are very old. Long gray hairs are on the butter and the cheese is green with mold."

  4. I often think about how much excitement I miss out on by living in a big city.

  5. Suhweet sick Jebus. What a scandalous 'hood!

  6. The "before the storm" pix shows plywood over some of the windows. Were you perhaps hiding an antifreeze drinking den in there?

  7. Michael: Actually this story is just a random bit compared to some the actual real crazy in this town. It just happened to be next door. Incidentally it was this incident that led me to say, “I’m home”.

    Jill: It is rude isn’t it? I usually climb under someone's house to eavesdrop or look for spare change.

    Jason: I know, I know...I remember telling you this story and waiting for the right time to tell it here. Now I’m sure the hood will retaliate with some cyber stalking like “Killem Gillem” did.

    Cookie: My neighbors issues could fill a book. Love the rhyme, have you been looking through my refrigerator? By the way is that one by Dr. Suess? What is it they say about neighbors and fences?

    Felix: The only excitement you are missing is that when bizarre things happen here they usually happen next door. Not down the street at Lindsay Lohan’s place.

    Miss J: I know! I love my hood but I wonder if the next scandal will be at my place.

    XL: Interesting side note, Mr. Dudley doesn’t keep antifreeze at his place but I do and in an unlocked garage. Never determined if any of mine was missing but I wouldn’t rule it out.

  8. Viva lived next door to Patrick Davison, THE Biggest White Collar Criminal EVER in the history of the state of Montana!!!
    So much so, the state auditor made a cautionary film about him called, "Fraud Under the Big Sky," warning investors about the dangers of Ponzi schemes.

    "July 2007: Montana Gubernatorial candidate Pat Davison pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10
    years in federal prison for securities fraud. He defrauded at least 13 victims of $8.6 million."

    I remember Pat Davison leading the sermon in our church when he was studying to be a Priest in the Catholic Church!

    So ya just never know...

  9. holy moley, sugar! what is it about the south? ;~) (y'all know where i live, doncha?)

  10. wow.

    i've got to agree with jill, how rude! BUT, isn't drinking anti-freeze a horribly painful and slow-ish way to die?

    mr. junior was not too smart. spend money for a motel room for three days, not a fucking haircut.

  11. I disagree. I'd totally do a salon date the day I decide to off myself. You'd think I'd trust just any dolt around here for my open casket?! The last time I crawled under someone's house it was a trailer on cinder blocks and Gary Wilfong showed me his wiener; we were age 7 and 8 respectively.

  12. Sir Sidney SausageFri Jul 02, 04:27:00 AM

    A fine bluebottle banquet at Ayem8ty's.

  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. Ignore the above comment Ayem8y, t'was only me. I didn't want to be the 13th commenter. Our village has a nice policy of doing things for the elderly, do-gooders go around door to door collecting food stuff and make up food parcels to give to the old fuckers at Christmas time. I wonder who received my donation, a tin of outdated pilchards, it was a heirloom.

  15. I am booking my flight right now to come have my do did at Me & Mom's Fambly Hair Care "Stylists to Semi-Famous Dead Guys.".

  16. 向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

  17. 人有兩眼一舌,是為了觀察倍於說話的緣故。............................................................

  18. It sort of sounds like the street I live on. I'm off to check the crawl space...