“So what did you do today?”

“I woke up at the crack’o dawn and did my taxes, my office is a wreck, I'm a last minute guy. Ran up to the Office Despot and replaced an ink cartridge so I could print the damn thing out. Addressed a huge manila envelope to the IRS, went to the Post Office Despot and simultaneously sent a sweet postcard to my parents. Came home changed my oil, the oil filter and air filter on my car. Brought home some bacon and fried it up in the pan. Laid in the sun for an hour."

"Then went to Home Despot, bought a new water heater from Barbara the lesbian we met the other night at Cabaret. Crammed the huge thing into my car, drove it home listening to Free by Ultra Nate at full volume with the windows down."

"Turned the water supply off and dragged the water heater around back to the laundry dungeon room and cranked up the air compressor and grinded the pipes apart."

"Disconnected the power, drained what was left of the water. The previous twenty-year old water heater exploded last night. Hauled the new one in it’s place, made the connections, hooked up the power supply and turned the water back on. Now I have a happy laundry dungeon.”

“Did you take a shower yet?”

“Not yet, I’m grimey. I swam in the pool to get the crud off. Why can't someone design an attractive water heater you know something that looks like art or a rocket ship?

"That sounds like an opportunity."

"Yeah I know I should get right on that and what did you do today?”

“Nothing. I watched All My Children and ate Mac and Cheese.”


  1. Good lord...I'm exhausted just reading...
    and that's just from the
    "Barbara the lesbian, we met the other night at Cabaret. Crammed the huge thing into my car...." part.

  2. This post is way too butch for me.

    I'll be back when you commence to mincing again.

  3. Yeah, this post wore me out. And kudos on the butchness; are you sure you're not a Home Depot lesbian in hiding?