I just love the Meme’s.

Because I’m lazy and uncreative. Lately it’s easier to do a meme rather than think up something imaginative. So it’s a bit of the irony that this meme award is for being a Kreativ Blogger.

1. Thank the person who nominated you for the award.

Thank you TJB.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.

3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.

Stirred Straight Up With A Twist

4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.

"Wrote a song about it. Want to hear it? Here it goes..."

1. Yes I like the skanky boy down on his luck who wonders in off the street and up on a bar top variety vagrant go-go stripper.

Who doesn’t?

Just be sure to cover your drink when they shake it as crabs and lice can jump up to six feet.

I’m talking genuine Lady Strippers. I have been a VIP card carrying member of Sammy's Gentlemen's club since the early 1990’s. I have a lot of stripper girlfriends because a lot of girls on the Gulf Coast are strippers. I mean like almost all of them and if they aren’t they aspire to be.

I find the whole dance of the strip tease to be erotic. Don’t get me wrong it’s not as if I get a boner from it, just find it highly erotic. I used to sell costume packages to fresh off the farm strippers with boots and shoes, accessories and cd’s with long playing song sets.

Tip: It’s rather lucrative.

First song is fully clothed so the song is short. Second song is long because it’s topless.

I used to work as a shill for some of the headliners. The girls would pay me twenty bucks to act as a lap dance customer. The girls would approach me and work it then the customers would want to get in on the action.


2. I collect celebrity websites. It’s a hobby of sorts.

I have files under my bookmarks listed in alphabetical order with tons and tons of celebrity websites. Almost every obscure star now has one. Like Pamela Sue Martin, Lord Bath, Ike Eisenmann, Exene Cervenka, Gloria Vanderbilt, Vampirella. I’m still searching for that elusive Q celebrity. Just yesterday I discovered that Honor Blackman has a website. Pussy Galore is 84.

One trick to finding them is when ever I watch a movie or hear a name I immediately jump to that ever reliable source of truth the Wikipedia. Usually at the bottom of the page it will list that persons official site.

3. I’m slowly restoring an old Victorian House. Built in 1908, the Lawlis house is a cozy (2000 square feet) hovel. It has been in the same family’s possession since it was built. You may be familiar with The Family in the Attic:?

The house originally belonged to the grandmother’s parents then she handed it off to her son and his wife who promptly called Sears everyday to make some sort of hideous desecration.

Acoustic tiles stapled to the tongue and groove 12 ft. ceilings removing the crown moldings in the process. Safari beige paneling covering the tongue and groove wainscoting destroying the base board moldings in the process.

Wallpaper, carpeting, bolts and bolts of decaying Miss Haversham draperies rotting from room to room. Walling off doorways and fireplaces and taking over a bedroom for a larger kitchen, one of the only sensible things that they did.

I’ve spent the last few years trying to remove the old lady from this house but she doesn’t want to go quietly. For instance, hurricane Ivan seeped through the roof saturating the twenty year old beige carpet which underneath is the original flowerdy linoleum (that I would have loved to save but too worn out) and underneath that is heart pine flooring in excellent shape from having been covered for a hundred years.

To get to the heart pine flooring you have to carefully scrape the linoleum up then you have to scrub the floor to dissolve the animal glue adhesive residue.



I feel like an old charwoman.

One room at a time. I’m still working on the entrance.

4. I collect things...many things. “Confessions of a Teenage Junk Dealer” It’s where I met my best friend Patrick in the booth across from me. Two teenage boys selling junk surrounded by elderly old junkers who taught us the ropes like carnies.

One of the things that I will be showing and telling today is my matchbook collection. The past ten years have been a golden period to collect tobacciana because smokers are a dying breed. Ashtrays, cigarette holders, cases, lighters and especially matches. You can buy entire lifetime collections for pennies. My favorites are the Vegas casinos and hotels.

5. Panama City Florida has a lot of hookers, drugs and porn stars. It’s like the 1990’s all over again. It takes time for the trends to reach some places and in some respects Panama City is ahead of the trends.

I spend a lot of time there for work and have met a lot of drug dealers, strippers and of all things actual working and sometimes attractive porn stars. Like Michael Lucas caliber porn stars.

One in particular that I didn’t have the opportunity to meet was Dustin Michaels.

He’s dead.

6. I actually love the Kreativ Blogger Logo that everyone hates.

It’s so pretty I had to post it twice. It's like a little bit of Kross stitch heaven and I also love anything spelled with the letter K like Karpet and Kut and Klean and Kweer.

7. I’ve been to Disney World over 40 times. My first visit was in 1973 when I accompanied my father to Orlando for a business trip. I plan to be there on January 31st which happens to be my 45th birthday.


  1. Was he laid out to rest on a couch for his final viewing?

  2. That linoleum! It's like a tea rose orgy! I love it.

    And happy pre-birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I've heard The Magic Kingdom's strippers aren't as good as those on the coast, but the gay porn stars there are hotter (and alive).

  3. Love your match collection - and all your collections!

  4. Great answers. LOVE the matchbook collection. Do you have them all cataloged? Impressive!

  5. Miss J - I think the wake and propping him up on the couch was just an excuse for all the friends to ‘have another go at him’.

    Jason - I know I was astonished to find the linoleum underneath. I loved it too. Thank you for the birthday wishes and I’m planning on spending the birthday evening at the Parliament House so who knows what may happen and what strippers or porno’s I may end up with or in.

    Thank you Reavis. I was thinking of you when I dragged out the matches.

    Michael - Nope no catalogue as of yet. What you see is a huge box and one of about thirty that I have. I have lots of vases and fishbowls and cookie jars filled with them. One day I hope to frame out a nice rare selection though. Like a whole wall filled with matches. If my attic doesn’t catch fire.

  6. more house pics please...
    Our first house (1910-ish factory worker type) had almost the exact linoleum in the master bedroom....and post more collection makes ME look less crazy...

  7. 1) Where have the Family in The Attic been lately? Have they chewed through their tethers and escaped?

    2) I love the fowerdy lino too, but orgnal heart of pine floors are just too much to pass up on. Get to scraping, bitch.

    3) Happy Burfday!

    4) PARLIAMENT HOUSE !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! That hasn't burned down yet? Have a wonderful time.

  8. I actually like the linoleum too...but pine floors...can't pass those off. I didn't even know linoleum ever looked like that.

    Xaviera Hollander aka The Happy Hooker has a website.

  9. Kut it out with the Kreativ logo Krap!

    Anyway, I think you should embrace the old lady and give her what she wants…

    Doilies, tea cozies and toilet roll covers.

  10. also a knitted poodle soda siphon cover.

  11. "...on January 31st which happens to be my 45th birthday."

    What, again?

    Love you!