12 on 12:

The weather has been frightful down here in the South with twelve straight days of freezing temperatures. I know I can here you all pitying me. You don’t realize that we can’t take the cold weather down here because we aren’t used to it.

It never snows instead it makes freezing rain. Freezing deadly rain. Shooting murderous icicles out of the air killing vagabonds. The thin blood curdles and kills homeless people that flew down here for the winter.

100% humidity molecules in the air freeze and become giant sheets of ice forcing you to drill holes to extract the oxygen. Cars become killing machines that decapitate cats with the fan blades. Bones snap like twigs. If you open the window you can hear peoples bones snapping if you survive the opening of the window.

Twelve dead plants! That’s what I have, twelve dead plants. One for each day. Nothing sadder than the death howl of a dying plant. A plant death rattle screaming bloody murder accusing you of the crime as it withers.

Make it stop...

Make it stop...

I can’t stand the sound of death moans.

Turn up the radio, drown out the sickly sound of death, be glad it isn’t you.

R.I.P. Stag Horn Fern

R.I.P. Boston Fern

R.I.P. Elephant Ear

R.I.P. Banana Tree

R.I.P. Asparagus Fern

R.I.P. Strange Purple Grass

R.I.P. Canna Lilly

R.I.P. Pretty Flowering Shrub

R.I.P. Hibiscus

R.I.P. Sedum

R.I.P. Firecracker Plant

R.I.P. Philodendron

Shine on healing rays of the blue sky sun and warm up the dead.


  1. Tragic!

    Every rubber tree plant
    in the city is dead around here.

  2. The world is burning - Let's masturbate.

    Most of those plants grow here in the UK, die off in winter and like the Phoenix from the Flames they'll rise once more. I'm not sure about the banana tree though, that looks totally fucked. My mother's front garden is plagued with Sedum she can't get rid of the stuff.

  3. Oh no! What a horrible shame. I hate to see beautiful living things die.

    Tell me the scuppernongs are alright!

  4. You'll just have to decorate the yard with garden gnomes 'til the plant life returns.

  5. When everything recovers (or is replanted) you'll have to do another 12 on 12 of fabulously alive plants!

  6. Oh, the mayhem. Miss J sympathizes. She lost all ability to tolerate cold the moment she moved to Cali.

    She does think, tho, that a couple of those plants may come back. Maybe the sedum, perhaps the canna? she's simply guessing on the canna, but because its a bulb... But good luck. A dead plant is an unhappy sight. A dozen... mercy!

  7. It's all very Addams family-like.

    But it certainly sucks to watch all that wither and die. I share your pain. Hope warmer weather reaches you soon!

  8. I'm so sorry! I've lost so many succulents, and I stupidly didn't bring in one of my giant cacti until it was too late. Now he is in my bedroom, with his sagging arms, staring at me mournfully with icy retribution!

  9. Glad you're doing 12 of 12. What a weird winter we're having. Seattle is warmer than the gulf states! Crazy. Why no pictures of you???

  10. Oh honey, that banana, the elephant ear, and the Philodendron will be back and bigger than ever, come the sweaty summer time, but you can kiss that hibiscus buhbye.