Handy Costume Ideas:

So it has fallen upon me once again to dream up costume ideas for everyone. Can’t you people think up shit on your own? Really now, just because I have the equivalent of a costume shop in my attic does not mean that I have all day to just walk over and pull one out of the trunk. That takes a lot of effort you know?

Ring, ring, ring.

Me: “Hello”

They: “Hey can I borrow something for Halloween?”

Me: “NO!”


Sometimes it’s just better to say NO. I learned the word early on when my mother brought me home from the hospital and told my brother’s that this is your new baby brother. My brother’s like to tell the story that they apprehensively peered into the basinet and I glared up at them and said, “NO!”

My design mentor Hilda East once told me, “Learn the value of saying NO! And don’t say no, "but", for once you add, "but", you open the conversation for negotiation. Don’t allow people to waste your time either. When people say, ‘Let’s do lunch’, say oh? How about next Thursday at Maxim’s, say at 1:30? Otherwise people will run all over you and WASTE your time and time is MONEY!”

I prattle on...Back to costume ideas. I haven’t the time to create costumes or ideas for vapid people without an ounce of creativity. Besides I haven’t the desire to make an appearance at a party filled with guests wearing my ideas and my costumes. How boorish.

This year every idea revolves around being a ZOMBIE. Not just your average everyday run-o-the-mill ZOMBIE but a ZOMBIE with flair. Like Mother Teresa as a ZOMBIE or Farrah Fawcett as a ZOMBIE or Michael Jackson as a ZOMBIE. You get the idea. ZOMBIES are chic this year. ZOMBIES are very “IN”. I pronounce ZOMBIES to be “IN” this Hallow season.

So I promised to reach far into my brain and come up with ideas for a select few. I’ve already suggested that Mitzi be Bonnie Tyler as she once mimic’d her but I think Bonnie Tyler as a ZOMBIE would be so much more festive.

This time it’s Jason's turn. I think with his delicate build and small frame that a French Maid would be appropriate. Not just any French maid but a French maid as a ZOMBIE. You know, dainty. A dainty ZOMBIE. However he has cleverly thought up being Super Girl. Or rather Super Popeyes Girl. She can devour an entire box of chicken in a single bound. How about Super Girl as a ZOMBIE? Or you could be the villain in that flick, Faye Dunaway...as a ZOMBIE or better yet Faye’s evil henchwoman, Brenda Vaccaro as a ZOMBIE.

How about Venus? You know like on the half shell...but then you would have to lug around an enormous oyster shell that has to be cracked open for you to make an appearance. I know how about Venus on the half shell as a ZOMBIE...


  1. I love Halloween now more than when I was a kid. I plan costumes for several months too. lol. I have several in my closet. This year I'm not sure if I'll be doing anything. If I do, I'll just repeat a costume from a previous year.

  2. An enormous oyster shell?

    Or a bearded clam?

  3. pirate zombie, ninja zombie, stripper zombie, nurse zombie... oh, the possibilities...

  4. Zombie Brenda Vaccaro.

    I can only imagine what her voice would sound like, what with a decayed larynx and all.

  5. i need some help too. i know i know - even i have dry spells. i have exhausted the best costumes and being susan boyle is not that exciting....

  6. I think Susan Boyle covered in Boils is going to be a popular choice this year. Howabout a Farrah zombie? That Bonnie zombie picture looks like me first thing in the morning I wouldn't need to apply any make-up, perhaps a little bloodletting for that authentic pale skin look.

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