It’s Sunday and once again feeling devout and pious. Being Baptist means being told that you are going to Burn in Hell if you don’t repent your evil ways.
Protestants can be much more subtle.
Please learn the lessons below:
Refrain from dolling up corpses.
The Catholic Church shall remain when all other religions crumble on the faulty grounds on which they were founded.
Shield innocent children from Daddy when he drinks cocktails and watches questionable programs.
We are NOT descended from apes!
Remember Satan is sexy.
A good death is vastly preferable to a bad one.
Do NOT gossip about the priest.
Ladies you must pray when tempted by vile suggestions by strange men who accost you on your stoop after shopping for hats all day.
Attend church and sing hymns and rejoice unto the lord.
Spinsters MUST volunteer to sing in the choir.
Babies must be baptized. Un-baptized babies go to Hell.
If you know sign language you are obligated to save deaf people through song.
Remember the Protestant Minister is a family man.
God needs your dollars.
Foster relations with lesser races.
Your body is a temple. Would Jesus want to worship at your temple?
Give generously to colleges for Negroes.