I’m phoning it in today cause I’m lazy.

“And now Miss Florida”

“How would you solve the problem of world hunger?”

“Well as a representative of the Miss American Smile Beauty Pageant Scholarship Program...I’m always brushing my teeth. And right after I brush my teeth people are always offering me food... So maybe if the hungry people out there in the world would brush their teeth more often...maybe someone would offer them food too...Thank You...Oh and I think India and Africa could use some more know hamburgers...everybody likes hamburgers right? ”

I have my question and answer session down!

Melanie Griffith (Tippi's daughter), Annette O’toole (Mrs. Michael McKean, Lenny from Laverne and Shirley, who is a highly underrated actress and under seen) Denise Nickerson (Willie Wonka's Violet, "Can it you twit"), COLEEN CAMP (MOST UNDERRATED) Barbara Feldon (99) for Gods Sakes. What’s not to like about SMILE, The Young American Miss (The best beauty pageant movie ever made) I’m watching it now eating popcorn and my heart out and wishing I’d placed in the top TEN. Damn It!

Regret is all I have left now.


  1. That snippet of Delta Dawn is enough to hook me!

  2. It's fabulous Jason and I just know it's right up your alley. It's so campy.

  3. Say, isn't that Janet (David's girlfriend) from Eight is Enough?

    (You see, it's all in there...lurking about in my unconsciousness until Dr. Freud / a.k.a. Dr. Mean Dirty Pirate brings it bubbling up to the surface!)

    Anyone want to "sink my battleship"?
    Wanna pop rock? They killed Mikey, ya know!
    It was that tiki idol that ruined the Brady's trip to Hawaii!
    I still haven't recovered from the trauma when I first learned Cher had asked Sonny for a divorce!
    Remember the "Original Ayds Diet Plan"? My mom was on it. They were like little caramels & I used to steal them from her to eat with my Fresca!

  4. Your ass takes first place every time.

  5. That’s who she is...I’ve been trying to figure her out for hours now...David’s girlfriend. “If Walls Could Talk”. Oh My God! I was doing my monologue from Soylent Green the other day after seeing it on TCM...“Soylent Green is made from people...” Viva you are now my official phone a friend in game show competitions! Be warned.

    Mistress you really know how to cheer an old ho up don’t ya?

  6. I would hope that Miss Florida quote is is hysterical.

  7. drc 8151 - I can’t take full credit for it as I was never actually Miss Florida I was Miss Panhandle and merely a runner-up but I do recall hearing something along this line somewhere. I did however add the part about India and Africa needing more McDonalds as I am completely convinced that if India ate cows rather than worshiping them they would be a well fed nation.

    Sorry I apologize in advance to any of my Hindu brethren.