Going Once, Going Twice:

Listen up children times are hard…and yours truly has fallen upon them. I’ve entered the lucrative world of indentured servitude and offered myself up to the highest bidder. Don’t wait act now…C’mon help an old hooker out.


  1. I'm surprised you didn't jump at TJB's offer of his entire collection of bow ties and pocket hanks.

    Obviously you're holding out for an entire wardrobe.

  2. I'm on hard times myself and can't afford the whole thing, I'm afraid.

    May I rent it for the half hour?

  3. I suggest you document your encounters with the various bidders with videos and photos, then disseminate images of the bidding process for a fee. It'll be like a blog-based reality show. The Happy Pirate Hooker Finds Himself a Man, or something of that nature. I'll bet you make a killing.

  4. It's still not looking good but there's one more day to go.

    Who knew being your Madame and pimping you out would be so much work?

  5. Does anyone have a tissue?

    (clutches pearls - and smiles)

  6. C'mon over to Vegas, Darlin'!
    I have an entire stack of 2-fer1 buffets coupons + free drinks!


  7. Darling, I would have bid more, but the tangerine thong caused my typing finger to spasm.

  8. Since none of the bids were high enough, I've decided to rent you out rather than sell you outright.

    The domain name “rentamanwhore.com” is available.

  9. MJ, you must devote more time and energy to selling your whore! Don't be so reactive!

  10. Oh my darlings,

    It’s just all so disgraceful. Here I am trying to make ends meet by hookering myself out in an honest fashion and instead of support I receive abuse.

    MJ has been so kind to take on a charity case and champion my cause but no...MJ do you suppose “truckstoptrollop.com” is available? I think it might aid in my proceeds. Do you have any idea how many truckers I go through just to get the internet?

    Ray I have to agree with you about pushing the whore. But rather than blame Mistress who enables me I blame myself and my advertising/marketing department for shoddy work. A billboard would have been nice. How about a splashy launch for “The Happy Pirate Hooker Finds Himself a Man...That Got Away...With His Life” or maybe “The Adventures of a Cum Guzzling Trucker Tramp” Either way I find myself in the envious position of becoming infamous for my promiscuous sexual proclivities and what Happy Pirate Hooker wouldn’t be happy with that. It just adds infamy whilst hawking the latest, How To, Xtube, and Guide Book that I’m pushing.

    My dear, Lord DuPree I can always count on you being a gentleman and for a quick two bits ringside during my second set sans the tangerine Speedo.

    Peenee your just absolutely cruel making fun of my one and only posing thong so what if it’s tangerine? The turquoise one is at least fifty cents more. It’s not like it was a jukebox vending three thongs for a dollar. Now drop a coin in my slot and lets head for the Champagne Room. Thong Tha-Thong Thong Thong.

    I’m desperately searching for a rig headed west for Vegas. Viva your too kind to teach me the ropes of grifting the buffets so I don’t starve. I have big hopes of becoming a Transvestite Show Guy. Maybe a Farrah Fawcett impersonator...I need to work up an act.

    And Jason my love ask me strumpet ask me.

  11. MJ do you suppose “truckstoptrollop.com” is available?

    It is!

    Let’s get to work!

    Ray Ray: I don't recall seeing your bid?

  12. So sorry to hear your reserve wasn't met - you're a toothsome bit of man, mon amour.

    If you find yourself heading north to work the truck stops along the I-84 corridor in New York, do let me know.

    I'll lift you up from your squalor, if only for a short while and we'll dine on hot dogs and fountain drinks at the nearby BP.

    It's so disappointing not to have won. Sniff...

  13. What does the Pirate do if a saucy wench wants a piece of that???

  14. MJ - you be my Web Mistress and I’ll scout for billboard locations.

    DuPree - I’ll be working the Schenectady carnival in August. Meet me behind the Super Himalaya.

    Miss J - He gives her a mani-pedi, full body massage, foot rub, does her hair and makes her feel beautiful.

  15. Come on over to Denmark and you can stay with me. We could even team up to double the money.

    We'll have you back on your feet in no time.

  16. Can the Pirate fit all that on a measly little ol' billboard?

  17. MJ: I've got a mortgage to consider! Sorry, no bids from me!

    Pirate: I hope you've invested in video equipment, because at this point it's all a bunch of talk and in this day and age we all need some REAL TIME ACTION.

    Looking forward to it! :)

  18. I think those people in the picture just went too far with that jewelry. I'm mean, really, try a little restraint. Sometimes less is more - it is much more tasteful.