Drain the Pool:

This pool party is a disaster.

Would someone get Edie out of the pool before she drinks it up and put a decent swimsuit on her...

Marilyn just swam over from next door, “Poolboy, be a dear and get the hook and yank her out of there. Put her in cabana # 11, dose her with sleepy’s and let her ride out the night with Andy Warhol.”

Oh Gawd this party is over! 86 Brittney now! “No not cabana # 86, I mean dump her ass in the surf...STAT!”

Who does this tramp belong to? I’m gonna snatch that bitch bald if’n she aint gone in 60 seconds.

Oh thank God Shemar showed up! “Shemar darling...So...How’s it hanging? Got any weed?”

My personal poolboy Pierce is reving up his truck to remove the undesirables.

Were moving to the VIP pool and stage for obvious reasons.

Ssshhh! Quiet ever’body the show’s about to start, “And Now Ladies and Gentlemen, Heeeere’s Grace!”


  1. Dearest Pirate,
    Your party was simply divine!
    Grace was stunning as usual!
    A romp in the Pirate's Cove/Love Grotto with Dolf was exactly what I needed to work out all the kinks from wearing those heavy chain mail dresses! Sometimes I find it best just to discard them at the climax of the evening...don't you think? Ciao, Baby!


  2. I hope you made them shower first before letting them set foot in your luxurious swimming pool. There is something tragic about seeing white people the wrong side of 30 with dreads, I've seen the likes before in Ibiza, nibbling away on their chickpea curry whilst realigning their chakras.

  3. Somebody peed in the pool.

  4. It wasn't me - I had at least one condom on at all times.

    In fact, that's all I appear to have on, stuck to the floor of a cabana smelling of Mai Tais and regret.

    And what's with the monkey?


  5. Don't forget our secret deal re: Shemar and Pierce...I expect them to be here by 5pm tomorrow. And they better not be worn out, bitch!

  6. Priash Jesusss!

    Where the fug am..I?

  7. See children Viva knows how to be a good pool party guest. Thanks for sending me a video of your famous annual Vegas dungeon party...you look divine in Paco Rabanne. Oh by the way Viva, Grace is looking for you and she is on the warpath.

    Nope Mitzi I didn’t insist that they shower first as I usual I let Edie drink all of the pool water after my parties. Then I throw away the pool and build another one. The dreaded bitch is history, Pierce took care of that for me. He did keep the braids as souvenirs though, they now hang from the hood of his truck.

    Mistress darling I’m sorry you were offended by the pee but during a pool orgy it’s just more of a time saving issue to let them pee freely. They didn’t pee in your private oasis pool did they? The official beheader is looking into it now. Relax let the fan boys cool you down...

    DuPree I never once thought it was you peeing the pool besides Eddie poolboy just loves to drink pee and we know of your bladder issues. Good job keeping the condom on last time you were spreading disease faster than my Ebola monkey. Speaking of monkeys is that one foaming at the mouth? Get out of that cabana quick that monkey is reserved for guests with misconduct.

    Ray thanks for bringing the drugs and hookers. One good deed deserves another, I crammed Shemar and Pierce into an overnight tube. Just hang them in the shower to let the wrinkles fall out.

    DuPree Darling don’t be alarmed but you got the bends after your underwater sucking marathon. Let the decompression chamber do it’s job and partake of Thayer he just loves decompression and auto-neurotica.

  8. RSVP

    If that yummy Shemar is already assigned as someone elses poolboy, I think I will just stay home.