Every now and again I receive a horny distress call involving porn or the lack thereof. In today’s mail, The Concerned Citizens Who Really Want to See Ewan McGregor Get Naked in Front of the Camera Again Committee, succinctly lamented ,
"Why oh why doesn't Ewan McGregor take his clothes off in movies any more?
IT"S A BLOODY DISGRACE!
Ever since he hit the big time with the NEW STAR WARS franchise, HE NEVER GETS NAKED ANYMORE, and it pisses me off! His entire career was made on nude scenes, and they were awesome!
IT"S AN OUTRAGE since he is still cute!
Remember when he did a completely uninhibited, full-frontal channeling rock star Iggy Pop in "Velvet Goldmine"?
He also was naked in "Emma". He was partially naked in "Trainspotting". He was naked in "Young Adam".
And he was totally naked in "The Pillow Book".
Hey, Ewan, What is up playing a priest in the new Tom Hanks/Ron Howard movie "Angels & Demons"?
Can't you at least play a naked demon instead of a blah blah boring priest? I mean, who really cares?
You used to be naked in every single movie that you ever did, and now a non-nude priest....not even "Thorn Birds" quality either?!?!"
I was just wondering the same thing today while I was enjoying myself to my favorite nude scenes of Ewan in Emma, Trainspotting, Young Adam and Pillow Book. Why doesn’t Ewan offer me any new nude scenes to work with?
So I did what everyone does in this situation, I rang him up. The following is a transcript of our conversation,
“Hello this is Ewan“
“Is this Ewan?”
“Yes this is Ewan”
“Is this Ewan McGregor?”
“Yes this is Ewan McGregor”
“Is this THE Ewan McGregor?”
“Yes this is THE bloody Ewan McGregor...who the hell is this?”
“Who IS this is of no importance”
“Oh hell not again how’d you get this number?”
“How I got this number is of no importance”
“Look if your trying to blackmail me with nude photos save it, I pose nude in just about every movie”
“Just about EVERY movie?”
“Why not EVERY movie?”
“I’m getting a little older and...”
“Are you naked now?”
“Yes you are I can see you “
“What? Where are you?”
“Where I am is of no importance”
"I've found ways to cheat the ageing process"
"I shave my chest because having it hairy makes me look older"
“No you don‘t, I see long gray chest hairs”
"I might protect people from the sight of my old flesh in future films"
“I see your future wrinkly old flesh now in person”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Why is of no importance”
“Can I come over?”
“When is of no importance”
“What are you wearing?”
“What I’m wearing is of no importance“
“You’re not wearing anything are you?”
“I‘ll be right over”