Pensacola Babylon:

If it is a tale of the weird and unusual then there is most certainly a probable connection with this area. I like to call it the Florida Panhandle Vortex or more commonly known only to me as Pensacola Babylon. The Chinese believe that circles of energy crisscross the globe and convergence of said circles creates strong magnetic pulses not unlike the Bermuda Triangle phenomenon. This bewitching element stretches its grip of irregularity within a hundred mile radius of the position of its source. So that everyone is clear on the subject let me just say that I made all of this is up, what I mean to say is that it is all pure conjecture a hypothesis and or lies.

Today’s story of Pensacola Babylon involves two tales, one with an eerie kooky bent and the other an account of misrepresentation, scandal and greed.

Robert O’Ryan just wanted to marry Shawn Johnson. Is that so wrong? He had fallen in love with her like the rest of America as our national Olympic sweetheart. There were many obstacles and obstructions in the path of our young infatuated lover thwarting his efforts to obtain his bride. He was clearly insane.

He packed up his belongings and set about his quest to travel across the country and ambush Shawn at the Dancing With The Stars competition then marry and impregnate her. What could be simpler? What could possibly stop our hero? The police. Not once but twice.

Upon arriving in Hollywood O’Ryan managed his way to the Dancing With The Stars studio and proceeded to climb the security fence. He was stopped and his pending nuptials never took place. Inside his car the authorities found a loaded shotgun and handgun, duct tape and love letters intended for his betrothed. All necessary items when planning a wedding.

During the flashback sequence of today’s saga we will visit Loxley Alabama. The sleepy town of Loxley rests outside of Mobile Alabama and well within the perimeter of the Pensacola Babylon Triangle. That is where Robert O’Ryan was stopped and along his travels from Gainesville Florida to his ultimate destination, Dancing With The Stars, Hollywood USA. He was cited for not having insurance and possessing an expired operators license. Two minor details that are inconsequential infractions in Loxley.

Our next Babylonian parable involves a get away plan gone awry. Marcus Schrenker was a well to do wealthy wealth manager with ambitions greater than his intelligence. Upon his empires implosion his wife promptly filed for divorce and our endearing securities swindler seemed to have met his end.

Schrenker hatched a plan. He would fake his death in a plane crash and start life anew in Florida. Unknown to Marcus was the fact that he bungled his plan from the beginning by placing it squarely within the Pensacola Pyramid of Peril.

While piloting his Piper Meridian single engine plane to Florida, Schrenker radioed a distress call then automated the plane controls and parachuted. His intentions were to have the plane crash in the Gulf of Mexico leaving no trace of his body. However this area being the cradle of naval aviation his plane was intercepted by military jets from one of the dozen military installations nearby. The plane was discovered in flight with its door open and the cockpit empty. It crashed in Milton, Florida just seventy-five yards from a residential area.

After parachuting to the ground, Schrenker received a ride from Alabama police to a hotel where he checked in under a false name. He then retrieved a previously located motorcycle from a storage facility and made his way to a KOA campsite where he tried to commit suicide posthaste. Schrenker is currently incarcerated in the Pensacola Escambia County Jail awaiting his upcoming trial on April 13th.


  1. Wait. This guy was flying out of Mobile and he missed the Gulf of Mexico? And whatever happened to Shaun Cassidy? He probably disappeared in Peniscola.

  2. Usually when I focus on crazy heterosexuals I focus on the women...but you've done a fine job of reminding me that the crazy goes both ways. The more you share about FL, the less I want to visit...but I love reading about it from afar!

  3. You make a compelling case! I'll make sure to commit all my insane and idiotic crimes well away from said vortex.

    And apropos of nothing in particular, I once got food poisoning in Mobile, and my father (whose mother was from Georgia) said, "Salmonella culture is the only culture they've got in Alabama."