Retirement Handy Hints:

Do you plan for your retirement? I don’t. I just wing it and take it one day at a time. With the unpredictable economy it’s a gamble anyway and also whether I’ll actually make it to my retirement age at all. I’m planning on staking out a patch of land somewhere in the woods of Alabama. There I’ll have a mule, a plow, some seeds, a goat, a cow, and some chickens. Trapping animals for fur and meat and shooting, killing or catching the rest of my food. I can bathe, warsh clothes and drink from a nearby brook. It’ll be just like Little House on the Prairie. Although not everyone will be able to afford such an idyllic situation as most will end up in the federal workhouses or debtor prisons that soon will be erected to house all of the naredowells.

Let’s suppose for a moment that things will improve. There seems to be host of possibilities for the future senior citizen. Like mobile scooter living and scooter parks and campgrounds. Down here reverse mortgages and RV’s seem to be the current norm and Snowbirds that drive shiny new Lincoln Towncars and Mercury’s.

What about thems that likes to cruise? What about time-share? What about that RV? Why not combine all three in an enormous floating barge like time-share condo.

Meet the Marquette by River Cities, the American floating community.

Their motto,

“Plan for the future because that's where you are going to spend the rest of your life.”

Mark Twain

Lets barge the aging elderly citizenry up and down the river ways and get them off of the highways where they cause harm to themselves and to other motorists.

Amenities include shuffle board and bocce ball courts, theaters, hot tubs and pools, and chipping/golfing platforms to fill the rivers with non biodegradable golf balls. Private balcony. Why they even have grocery stores and restaurants. Sadly no mention of onboard gambling but they do float up to New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast which is all about old fogies flushing money down the slots.

The Illinois suite condo is priced at $299,000 with an annual cruising fee of $13,200.

The Mississippi suite condo is priced at $499,000 with an annual cruising fee of $23,100.

Actually I’m rather intrigued by this floating condo concept. It would be fun and what a clever idea rounding up the elderly and containing them on a barge in the rivers. If worse comes to worse simply cut loose the moorings and let them float away. Bon voyage Grandma!


  1. I want one of those barges now!
    How handy would that be for the next hurricane?

  2. As usual, I'm way ahead of you, honey. One of my mother's white trash relatives had a trailer lashed to some pontoons on some catfish infested "lake" in East Texas. My father still speaks of it with nostalgic envy.

  3. Half-a-mil and you don't even get room for dressers? Old people have stuff, and those mini-suites just aren't gonna have room for all those back issues of National Geographic, Christmas CDs, and Easter decorations.

  4. That barge/condo idea is quite brilliant for entrepreneurs, because what you do is sell out all the units, then you have a great big welcome party, a moonlight cruise to the Gulf, where you throw all the elderly overboard, then sail back to the river and sell all the units again, then you have a great big welcome party...

  5. I wouldn't like to be trapped with a bunch of people I don't know just for the period of a cruise, so this is not for me! Hell is other people. Ray Ray has a good idea, though.

  6. I'd love to live Permanentely on a cruise ship, imagine waking up every morning at a different port, no cooking or cleaning because my Philippino will do all that and attend to all my whims. However, that would cost a fortune.
    I intend to buy an apartment in France, La Rochelle, I think, I will buy a black poodle call it Xavier, wear a beret on a jaunty angle, drink patis all day long and be rude to all foreign tourists. I can't wait!