Trapped Like A Rat:
















So it will be my birthday this coming Saturday. I’m to be 44. I know I know time just keeps ebbing away. I feel just like that lady in Logan’s Run who’s running away from the Sandmen. Trapped like a rat with beady eyes and nervous gestures.

“There’s been some terrible error my life clock must have broken in some way I’m nowhere near 30 I’m 22 I should be green did you hear me GREEN! Let me go let me go...”

I should have renewed on the carousel when I had the chance. Now I’ll be running from the 22-year-old Sandmen for the rest of my short miserable life. They wish all the 40 year olds dead. I swear it on a stack of bibles, as the lord Jesus Christ up in heaven above is my witness.


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One day you are 39 bopping along contemplating tattoos and hip wardrobe purchases and the next day you are 40. Well no one told me that turning 40 was like receiving leprosy. Honestly anyone under 40 has built in radar... they can smell 40. They stay away from you in droves. Tis a pity though as I’ve always preferred older men but suddenly I am an older man. All of the older men sit around drooling over younger 22ish men and the 22ish men date their own age group. It’s a vicious circle. I have to go now the nurse just informed me that my room is ready at the Azalea Trace Assisted Living Facility and Old Gay Man Disco.

15 comments:

  1. Oh, you're still a young pup! Take my word for it.

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  2. First things first: stop telling anyone and everyone how old you are! If someone has the unmitigated GALL to ask, laugh, laugh, laugh- then walk away. Never speak to them again.

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  3. Don't forget Farrah Fawcett-Majors co-starring as "Holly".
    See? I knew that would make you smile.


    I think you're going to be ok as long as you keep your legs together and don't show everyone your crotch in a desperate manner like "Madge"...er make that.."Vadge"

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  4. I agree with Laura, no Vadge shots. You're in your prime! And who wants the attention of 22 year olds? They're like little chihuahuas, all nervous and manic and yapping their ugly heads off. Blech!

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  5. Honey, I empathize. I really do. I'm 32 chronologically, but I suspect I've been possessed by the decidedly middle-aged ghosts of Clifton Webb, George Sanders, and Arlene Francis. And trust me, those twinks can sniff THAT out, too!

    Ray Ray -- LOL at your description of the "bois" about town. Too, too true...

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  6. I know Ayem8y when I look in the mirror I see traces of my mother and it scares me. If anyone ask my age I say "I'm the same age as my gums and a little but older than my teeth. But cheer up it could be worse, you could be:

    BONO
    Not content with being a rock star, Bono wants to save the world as well. And he wears stack heels. If you were him everyone would hate you.

    SHANE MCGOWAN'S DENTIST
    You've got to feel for The Pogues frontman’s dentist no person in their right mind would want to go near those rotten peggies. But someone has to, thank God it’s not you.

    GARY GLITTER
    Gary was used to signing autographs in his glam-rock heyday of the 1970s, but recently he’s only signed the Sex Offenders’ Register. Not only that his surname’s rhyming slang for the anus. Glitter = Shitter

    Boy George
    Just look at Boy George, who’s now earning just £6 a week working in the prison kitchen. £6 buy 20 ciggies. lol

    So think on and look sharp!

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  7. I's like to hear more about the Old Gay Man Disco.

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  8. Happy birthday to you.
    Happy birthday to you.
    Happy birthday, Mr. President.
    Happy birthday to you.
    Oooooooooooooooooooooo.

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  9. Wishin' you the happiest of happys! Now finish your juice so the nice man can take you for a car ride.

    SPANK x 44

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  10. Ayem8y, it's Farah Fawcett birthday today! She's 62.

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