Egypt & China:

The next day following our visit to the Callaway Lesbian Gardens I was dragged to various exhibits at the Atlanta museums. First stop and a time warp back three or four thousand years was to the Atlanta Civic Center and a visit with the Pharaohs of Egypt.

My parents are sophisticates and as culturally enriched people they enjoy seeking worldly experiences. It escapes me how they produced such a lazy oafish rube. Lazy being the operative word I elected to take in the sit down 3-D movie first as my television at home is always tuned to the Egypt channel.

The staffs of Curators for this event were extremely attractive and courteous. I think they saw me coming a mile away and offered me useful information such as, “Do not rest or lean on the exhibits!” and “Please do not stick your used chewing gum on the bust of Hatshepset!” other useful warnings included, “Place the alabaster canopic jar back on the podium and step away from the vitrine!” The most useful advice given when discovered reading aloud very loudly was, “Ssshhh!” and “Would you like an audio device that reads the exhibit information for you?” Finally! Yes please as it was most taxing having to read all of this stuff myself.

King Tut, King Tut, King Tut! Enough with the King Tut. Sure he was glamorous with riches, gold and jewelry beyond my ordinary everyday comprehension but it’s rumored that his tomb was filled with treasure that was meant for another Pharaoh possibly his father Akhnaten.

I immediately identified with Akhnaten. He was fey and some have suggested that he might have been of the hermaphrodite persuasion. He worshiped the Sun, as do I, and he liked his art a little more strange, exaggerated but nonetheless realistic. I think he was an alien with his huge elongated face and skull with a protruding belly flanked by spindly arms and legs. He was divine.

We were famished following the Pharaoh thing so we dined at the elegantly appointed Varsity Grill, which has been an Atlanta institution for more than eighty years. I don’t think we did anything of this century, my parents know me so well. The place is a vintage modern wonder with its terrazzo flooring and sinuous curving nickel-plated deco railings, fixtures and fittings. “What’ll Ya Have? What’ll Ya Have?” The food was pretty good too.

With barely enough time to digest I was once again whisked back in time to the High Museum to see the Terracotta Army of First Emperor of China 221 B.C. The High is an ultra-modern, stark and sterile place but the patrons were classy and gorgeous. At last attractive people to see after all this is Hotlanta all I had seen thus far was Not Hotlanta.

Immediately I strapped on my audio device and set about admiring the ceramic physiques that represented the afterlife army. So much time and devotion to ensure a peaceful afterlife it’s all the Egyptians and Chinese think about. Who cares if thousands upon thousands of skilled workers and warriors die in the process as long as the Pharaohs and First Emperor have a happy afterlife then it’s worthwhile.

Intricate little ceramic tiles were fired then linked together to form a sort of wearable armor that adorns the warriors. It must have been tedious work not unlike the work modern day slaves perform stitching up couture or the bugled-up beadwork on a Joan Collins dress.

It was meant to be a representation of the actual bronze versions worn in battle. I overheard one smartly turned out lady remark, “Well I don’t see how those clay vests could protect anybody from harm, ceramic is just too breakable.” Hey stupid lady how’d you and your husband get to be so wealthy? It said on the plaque that it was a representation. If you listen to your audio thingy it’ll tell ya so. Oh, she and her husband didn’t have audio thingy’s around their necks. Most unfortunate because that meant she had to read for herself and I expect she has servants at home that fill that task. Always get the audio thingy.

Next up a dinner and a show at the Medieval Times.


  1. Darling, it all sounds magic, just magic. Definitely better than when I drag myself back to the old country to visit my father and then spend the entire time avoiding him.

  2. Just imagine the hours and hours of slave work going into the tomb of Joan Collins right now.

  3. I've been accused of being a philistine too, tut tutting at street entertainers especially those white men with dreadlocks playing the digeridoo, I've rolled my eyes skywards at the excited crowd that were gathered around viewing the Mona Liza, I huffed and puffed at the sheer boredom of going down the Panama Canal, the ruins of Machu Picchu "Where's the fucking shops!" Rome Smome! Ancient Egypt I'd rather do a shop at Tesco, but when I saw the statue of liberty for the first time I gasped!