Christmas is Like Crack:

Longing to recapture that feeling of childhood holidays past, people desperately shop retail stores for items to make others happy or in other words, “High”. They do this to receive many gifts in return to ensure that they themselves will get “Holiday High”.

Once the big exchange takes place the givers and the receivers sometimes experience an unpleasant sensation also known as, “Not Holiday High”. Both parties immediately race to the designated retail outfit, the store information is conveniently garnered from included gift receipt, to exchange the faulty “Holiday High” inducing gift for another that is predetermined by the receiver to guarantee a successful, “Holiday High”.

Remember when you are sullenly shoving your unwanted gift toward an innocent sales clerk demanding an exchange, that it’s not the sales clerks fault that you are cranky and jonesing for your “Holiday High” fix. The sales clerk will then exact her revenge when upon scanning the unwanted gift item she informs you and the entire store of the precise price with which your gift giver spent to get you, “Holiday High”.

It’s also especially delicious for the sales clerk to inform the receiver that the gift in question was purchased at a clearance price. Thus either the gift is nonrefundable or its value is greatly diminished and decreases your chances to successfully purchase that ideal predetermined guaranteed “Holiday High” inducing gift.

I hope this clears things up for you Christmas Crack Addicts!

1 comment:

  1. I really can't be bothered with Christmas shopping anymore. This year I'm just going to put money in a card and let them buy their own gifts.