Icky Gay Profiles:

Thanksgiving Epilady Nightmares

It all started when Alfie the Ape Boy escaped the circus side show where he had lived his entire life. He was once a popular headlining main attraction but now he’s a regular ordinary average everyday in demand exotic leather fetish go-go hooker bear.

“Sometimes I think bout the circus and long fer the good ole days but I developed a bad case of the baldies. I used to have four’n five times as much hair long silky hair it covered my whole face and body. Once a year at Thanksgivin’ Momma the Bearded Lady would break out the Epilady and rip ever bit of it out by the root. Then she’d do hers. In later times she just permed or Dippity Do’d it out the way. We’d just have a normal day together.” Alfie fondly recalled.

He went on to explain, “Then Momma died and Paw swallowered a bad sword and I started sheddin’ real bad. That was the end. I hit the road an hitched a ride with a trucker he paid me money to like go down on him. He said I got real talent so I started turning tricks at the truck stop.”

Alfie’s eyes moistened as he recalled his early days, “Purdy soon I was makin’ twenty bucks a blow. I got a place and a cat I made watch me practice my dancin’. I nursed old Paw till he finally bit it I pasted flyers got a bike and some reg’lars. They’d call an I’d wheel over and do some bid’ness.”

“One time I was doin’ this old fellar and he give me a leather jock strap. He said I should shake my hairy ass on top of bars cause that’s where the real money is. I was scared the first time but them old men shoved money in my strap and I got real good at it. I mostly do the Bear circuit these days. Them old boys can’t git enough know what I mean? I sniff some of that popper juice and just go all nite.” Alfie’s face widened as he told his story of success.

“Ever year at Thanksgivin’ I wish my Momma could be here to see me shake it but then I think bout that Epilady thing it hurt purdy bad. It’d ruin my bid’ness with them old men cause they like a man with some meat an hair. Sides she never liked it when I tricked she’d say, ‘Alfie you best be careful someday they gonna slit yer throat an you best not be puttin’ them old men’s dirty peepee’s in yer mouth.’ Gosh I miss my Momma.”


  1. I laughed, I cried, I thanked the good Lord that the 50% of the time I was raised in a double wide was balanced by the 50% of the time I was raised in the suburbs. Gave me some context. Perspective is good. Helped me make better informed choices.

  2. Oh dear. The things you see way too early in the morning when you're just scanning through the blogs. What have I ever done to you? Oh dear.

  3. Just looking (very briefly, then turning my head away in shame) at those photos made me feel the need to floss my teeth. Eek!