Crazy Curtis has been Arrested for Attempted Murder:


Last month I snapped a picture of the crazy neighbor who rummages through the trash. He lives down the street on the wrong side of town. Every other street is the wrong side of town. I live in the 90210-1/2 part of my fashionable neighborhood and so does Crazy Curtis.

I was upstairs working away when I look out at the neighbor family’s yard to notice police tape about forty-eleven dozen squad cars and several ambulances. Being my nosey snoopy self I mosey on up the block a ways to investigate. On the corner I find the Porch Ladies observing the action. “Hey ladies who’s causing all this racket out here?” I say. “Curtis done gone berserk and attack someone.” The main porch lady (who always returns my miss-delivered DHL packages opened) says he’s been a acking strange lately. Guess it was a matter of time before all hell broke loose and now he done attack somebody with a bottle. That man was covered in blood.” I also found out that Curtis has no living relatives and that he has been in and out of the Chattahoochee mental hospital. He sleeps with the door wide open with a fan in the doorway. As I leave I say, “That’s terrible, thanks for the info ladies.”

On past occasions Curtis has decorated his yard very colorfully. Every neighborhood has one and I appreciate all of the effort and design that goes into his creation. A month ago he had taken all sorts of colorful two-liter bottles and filled them with water. He stacked them carefully to make a little two-liter picket fence with a sidewalk opening and a two-liter mailbox.

A month before he was into an Indian and African theme. He had little teepees and other found objects in the yard. He decorated the porch with enormous hand made dream catchers filled with more found items. He really has a flair for assemblage outsider art...sort of a crazy folk artist but with a streak of genius.

This past bit of lawn ornamentation involved his latest installation entittled, "Baby strollers, Car Seats, and Office Furniture" Apparently someone (the neighbor across the street) called about Curtis to the code enforcement officials. This person (probably feels guilty) should have blood on their hands for not warning the code enforcer ahead of time about possible harm. I’m sure that one or two of my neighbors have called the law on Curtis prompting today’s attack with (not a bottle) but a meat cleaver.

MEAT CLEAVER! Who has a meat cleaver these days? Curtis do that’s who. Some folks might have thought yelling, “Get out of my trash, go on git! Shoo before I throw hot grease on your ass!” was out of line...not to treat all the crazies as if they were homicidal.

Here is the news report on Curtis's arrest pay close attention to the classy neighbor who comments on Curtis's attire. I'm not judging but when commenting on the news about the naked neighbor it would be prudent not to be naked yourself. It has been really hot though. This is the neighbor who gives the eyewitness report to the newspaper article. If you go here pay close attention to the way out of line and off subject.


  1. Ayem8y I'm moving to your neighbourhood it sounds exciting! The reason why he attacked someone with a meat cleaver is simple, he just wanted to make soup.

  2. Goodness...imagine living that near a celebrity!

  3. I dunno, the dumb naked neighbor boy looks like he'd be good for a roll in the long as there was some large blunt object in his mouth to keep him quiet. ::goes looking for one of ayem8y's butt plugs::

  4. There are crazies everywhere (the nutjob in my building got into a dispute with the super, and slashed the tires on the super's son's baby stroller...sick), but there's a certain flair, a je ne sais quois, to the Southern variety which I envy...

  5. a) "Chattahoochee mental hospital" just a skotch redundant, no?

    b) Witness Jason Miller:
    i) Kinda hawt in a trade-boy sorta way
    ii) My guess is he might have meat cleaver tendancies as well. I'd keep my eye on him.

    c) Where were the Porch Ladies and You on the news?