The Three Bears:
The Three Bears
One day the Three Bears went cruising for sex in the forest. There in a meadow they spied Goldilocks sunning himself in the nude.
After tranquilizing him Mama Bear climbed atop, “This one is too big.” Mama Bear huffed.
Papa Bear pushed Mama Bear off and climbed on, “This one is too small.” Papa Bear sighed.
“Let me…Let me…Baby Bear said. “Oh this one is just right...Can we keep him…Can we keep him?” Baby Bear whined.
“Hold on Baby Bear. Remember things are settled dembearcratically in the Bear cavehold.” Papa Bear said.
“I’ll fashion shackles out of steel.” Papa Bear said.
“I’ll hang strips of leather to make a sling.” Mama Bear said.
“And I’ll stitch up a muzzle, ball gag, and isolation hood.” Baby Bear said.
And they did.
They all lived happily ever after…for about a month. Until one day the Three Bears came home to find that Goldilocks had gnawed off his paws and ran away into the night never to be seen or heard from again.
“Aw that always happens and I made him a blue jean vest.” Baby Bear said.
“I hope he keeps his yap shut and doesn’t tell Ranger Smith.” Papa Bear said.
“Just look at this mess.” Mama Bear said. “There’s blood everywhere. Who’s going to clean this mess up?” She added.