I met my neighbor George. He is very nice. He is attractive. He has a nice smile. He has nice teeth. He has a firm handshake. He mows the grass. He has nice legs. He wears skimpy shorts. He has a nice bulge.

Isn’t it awkward meeting a neighbor for the first time? Things are at 50/50 prior to the meeting and so it is advantageous to prolong this meeting for as long as it is physically possible. Once the initial meeting has taken place you are armed with loads of body language ques and quirks and a scant knowledge in which to decide, are you a good neighbor or a bad neighbor?

Luckily for George he is only renting. He is renting from the true owner, Adonis the ever-youthful god of vegetation, who has unfortunately been reassigned to Jacksonville. Other than the occasional nod from the backyard we haven’t officially met and as George mentioned today, "Finally only after a year and a half."

A year and a half huh...really? It just seemed like yesterday that you guys moved in and all of the mutual dogs began barking at one another and never stopped. I’m so lucky that my neighbors are friendly interesting people.

God I’m such a dreadful host imagine letting a year and a half go by without even so much as a simple cake or a Welcome Wagon goody basket. It could be worse though, George could have turned out to be a nosey Gladys Kravitz type or the code and restriction enforcing unofficial neighborhood mayor. Oh and believe me when I say that those two positions in my neighborhood have already been permanently filled for many years now and you know who you are...Gladys Kravitz!


  1. it's simple rule of...ummm..thumb:
    If he has a "nice bulge" and wears skimpy shorts, he's a good neighbor.

  2. Oh Abner, that rude homosexual is making nasty comments about me again! Abner!

  3. I was on pursed lips terms with my next door neighbour, Irene 72 I would often see her peering at me from behind that secret veil of hers.(net curtains) After the floods we had last year, we've became friends and she reguarly pops in for coffee. She must have been lonely.