S.U.V. Cell Phone Haircut:

The invention of the S.U.V. in conjunction with the cell phone finally freed women from having to be well, women. As women quickly evolve into men they need a haircut that matches the busy on-the-go power hungry corporate image that they are trying to project. Hairstylist’s around the world responded with a short sassy unfeminine unisexual easy to care for drip dry hairdo. The secret to this cut (I use the word cut for there is nothing stylish about it) is in the processing, lots and lots and lots of processing. Ultra corrosive bleaching compounds transform the hair shaft into a coarse scratchy filament that no longer resembles hair or DNA for that matter. Of course this active gal needs to be attached to her cell phone at all times especially while driving her S.U.V. and can’t be worried about hairstyle maintenance. Static and interference is generated when the contaminated and slightly radioactive processed hair strands come between the cell phone and the ear. That’s where the notch comes in to play. Rather than tucking hair behind the ear, stylist’s simply cut a v-shaped notch where the ear and cell phone meet. Voila, the S.U.V. cell phone haircut was born and immediately swept the nation and the universe within the span of four days. Unfortunate victims and early proponents of this haircut are exhibited by the following photographs:

Usually the women who sport this cut are recently divorced mother’s of three with high paying jobs that come with the tittle of Vice President of such and such. They are often overheard complaining that there just aren’t any good men out there and that most of the good looking ones are gay. An overwhelming amount of the same women admit that their husbands left them for younger girls who are still in their twenties. News Flash, the reason they leave for a twenty year old girl is because twenty year old girls still belong to the female gender.

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