The Spokesowl:

I've reached a certain age that I can make well informed decisions concerning large purchases or dealing with health issues. That's why I use Spokesowls to filter out the riffraff in matters of my corporation loyalty. Everyone knows that corporations are perfectly trustworthy but having a spokesowl just gives them an extra sense of all knowing presence and wizened security. Just take the Spokesowl for America's Best Contacts & Eyeglasses.

I MEAN IT SAYS SO IN THE TITLE - AMERICA'S BEST!

If it's good enough for the Spokesowl, who is obviously in need of an optician, then it's good enough for me. Especially after he compliments, in one of their commercials, a girl exiting a store with her new glasses feeling sassy like she's on a runway then she stumbles or that time when the spokesowl, who suspiciously sounds like Norm McDonald, is trying to tell the person that they paid too much money for their eyewear and the person responds by saying, "Who, Who". 



So, when I'm feeling under the weather from allergy suffrage I turn to the products with the most side-effects, the ones with a list as long as your arm just stopping short of death as a symptom. Once again the spokesowl makes my decision for me. When I need an antihistamine, I choose XYZAL!




Sometimes I need to book a cheap motel in the dive parts of Panama City, the kind from the 50"s with a circular motor court and construction workers sitting outside smoking, grilling and man spreading. I rely on the Trip Advisor owl, who sounds like he knows his way around a sleazy motel.

 Spokesowl's are the way to go, you heard it here first.

14 comments:

  1. Oh, my GOD - HE LIVES! (Doing my happy dance)

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    1. I'm alive and reporting to my station at "The Hair Hall of Fame".

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  2. Spokesowls are the future - the Serbian city of Kikinda even has one shaped like a cock! Jx

    PS welcome back...

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  3. Kikinda has good taste in sculpting.

    *Books next flight to Kikinda* Through my Trip Advisor Spokesowl.

    Thank you Jon

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  4. I need no owl to tell me the America's Best sucks.

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    1. You're so right. Soon enough they will start 3-D printing the damn things and everyone can have a pair of eyeglasses for pennies.

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  5. Now I hope this mean you'll post maybe once a week, or twice. Hell, I 'll send you nudes if that's what it takes. I have missed you.

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    1. It's nice to have been missed. Much of my problem has been an intense writers block. Making myself sit down and start typing is half the battle. Words are flowing again. I'll try to post at a regular pace.

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    2. Next time you get writer's block just let the spokesowl speak FOR you.

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    3. Like a Ghostwriter...a Ghostowl...or...better yet a Ghostcrow!

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  6. What a thrill to have you back again, it's like you have never been away.

    Owls are considered to be wise, so by using the owl in advertising, companies are sending out subliminal messages saying you'll be wise to use this product, in fact owls are gormless creatures, they don't do tricks, you can't teach them to run up a ladder to ring a bell, they can't solve problems, they can't even talk whereas crows can do all of the above and more, they are probably the world's most intelligent bird and yet they get overlooked, because they are not sexy enough.

    The owl wearing the smoking jacket, monocle and bow tie am I right in thinking it has an English accent?

    I say spokescrows are the way forward, instead of employing a z-listed English actor to do the voice over, opt for an American z-listed actor instead, give it a year or so and I bet that Meghan Markle will be frothing at the clopper to promote Spokescrows.

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  7. I've missed you too! Just think, years ago I posted on your blog about tacky transsexual interiors...and it cheered you up as you had recently fallen out a window. My first blog friend!

    Yes that spokesowl does have a British accent. I think it makes him sound more trustworthy.

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    1. I've been pondering on Crows. I recall watching them fashion tools and stuff on the TV's...You know, I bet they could make good surgeons if'n they want to and the whole situation with health care in this country, "Chief of Surgery Crow...paging...Dr. Crow..."

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  8. How about a purpose built hair transplant clinic run by crows, their sharp beaks would be ideal for pecking holes in the patient's scalp and their beady eye would make an easy job for the planting.

    Another use for them and my personal favourite, would be to teach them to fly into people's homes via an open window or down a chimney, to relieve folk of their 'shiny shiny' valuables and wallets etc left on their dressing tables.

    It makes me want to scour the countryside for crow's nests.

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