Have a Blessed Day:

I know I'm going to offend people when I say this, but...

I grew up in a Baptist church.

There I said it.

Not that I’m ashamed but people think I’m out to save them or something when I mention it. To the contrary, I really don’t give a fuck about your soul. That’s your business. Okay I do care but really hasn’t everybody heard the news? Do we really need crusades in the 21st century?

Can I get an Amen?

I’m fortunate to have grown up with religious indoctrination. I was made to go to church every Sunday morning and night service and Wednesday service as well. THREE TIMES A WEEK.

“And you will do so until the day you move out and pay your own way, young man!”

I've been to church a handful of times since moving out. I’m fortunate in that I’m not one of those that wander the earth pondering, “What is the meaning of life?” You know what? There is NO meaning to life. Get over it. The purpose of your life could be trivial. Like opening the door for an old lady one day and five minutes later you drop dead. That very well may be the meaning of your life. Oh sure it could be important like becoming the president or having stopped a serial killer, but I don’t bet on it. It’s more likely that you were supposed to change a light bulb. Poof you’re dead.

I’m also fortunate that I had an early near death experience. Not like I was on life support or anything but a bit of a nervous breakdown where I was convinced that I was going to die any minute now. At the time I didn’t think this was fortuitous. But in hindsight I feel that it was…a blessing. I was able to formulate my attitude about my own death and dying. I faced my own mortality. Your death and your dying are two different things. Your death could be simple like changing lanes and running off the road and hitting a concrete embankment. You’re dead. Your death is your death. The moment you cease to live. Your dying is entirely different in that it implies a lingering and suffering. One that gives you a chance to get acquainted with the idea that you are about to meet your maker. Then the grief sets in and the bargaining etc. Dying is worse than death. I’ll take death over dying any day. Like I said, I don’t expound on the meaning of life. I also don’t sing Jesus Loves Me and not have an understanding of what it means.

Lately I’ve encountered individuals that leave me with a parting gift. They say, “Have a blessed day”.

I say, “I'm already BLEST!”.

It’s a threat. Why else do they say this? Is this some sort of Jesus Ponzi Scheme? The more they say it the more they climb another level? Like saying, “Have a blessed day” pushes them closer to the top? I think not. Going back to my upbringing I have to think that certain people are addicts. Occasionally I run into a sinner. They did drugs or they were addicted to abusive behavior or whatever the addiction was they gave it up and switched to God. Now they push God. I’ve met the worst trash in the world and then after a death or dying experience they switched to God.

I’m not a villain. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a saint either. I have a healthy outlook on life. I’m not a drug addict nor a Jesus freak, but somewhere in between. A Jesus loving drug freak. I’m healthy, I’m happy, I’m well adjusted. I’m not preaching to everyone and blessing the living daylights out of everyone I encounter. But the whole bless this and bless that thing creeps me out. It’s trading one addiction for another.

“Hey man have you tried Jesus…I got some, you wanna try it? Jesus really gets me off”

No thank you!

I’m blessed enough. Now I run into strangers that say this shit, “Aren’t they lucky to be blessed with twins? Aren’t you blessed? Aren’t we blessed to serve a blessed god? GOD BLESS AMERICA”. In my time frame the only reason someone said the word bless was in the context of an unfortunate as in, “Bless her soul”.

My mother had the right idea when she said, “God Bless America. I hate that! It’s about time that America blesses God.”

If only we could do something about the Amish compound refugee waitress at Denny’s that says, “Thank thee”.

I hate that.

When life hands you a blessing you rarely see it as such in the moment. The lord works in mysterious ways you know. A blessing is something that you realize much later. MUCH LATER. It’s not like winning the lottery. As the Discovery channel has shown us it’s not a blessing but a curse. One to be figured out over a long period of time after losing it all and your friends and family. It was that your friends and family were the real blessing all long.

Have a blessed day. No, thank thee. Really thank thee.

Bless you. No bless you. No, thank thee.

May the lord smile upon you.

Bless you.

Aren't you blessed?

Bless you.

Fuck off.


  1. Holy moly, 3 times a week!! Bless your heart. I was raised Roman Catholic and have the scars on my knees to prove it.

  2. "Thank thee"!? at Denny's! Really? Wow.
    I think I might drive over two states just to hear that one.

    Of course, I'd probably swerve into the wrong lane and meet my death on the way there.

    Maybe that's how I'll respond to the next "have a blessed day" with a cheery "thank thee".
    And see what happens.

  3. I was raised by hard-cord Southern Baptists and did the church-three-times-a-week drill as well.

    That, plus the Navy chaplain praying over the ship's loudspeaker system before we shelled the Viet Namese put an end to my religious career.

    Just waiting to die.

  4. Rumour has it that Hayward's spent a lot of time on his knees.

  5. I shall answer thee on thy blog, which God blessit, offends on occassion.

  6. I was raised Presbyterian and we were there every Sunday and the once a month family night on Wed. Although my parents would say that they were believers I think that it was more of a duty or chore. Except for holidays with family we never heard about religion one way or the other. We were lucky kids. TB

  7. Be blessed brother!

  8. i know i really enjoyed the final sentence of this post.

  9. How kind of people to say "Have a blessed day." I think it's best to wish them well back. I like to say "Why thank you, and you have gay day, sweetie!"