I’ve just returned from my weekly makeover where an army of Madonna's beauticians have injected me with monkey glands, umbilical cord extractions, newborn afterbirth, slave essence and toxic waste. I’ve been slathered in human liposuction byproduct, sheep urine, rattlesnake venom, Chinese baby girl squeezings, and powdered Rhino horn.
I bribed Farrah’s mortician for her scalp which I’ve just had successfully transplanted. Can you feel the breeze? I’m flicking my mane as we speak. The witch of Endor was flown in and she’s done wonders with the line in my neck. My ears have been lowered by two centimeters and my teeth and nails were ejected and replaced with those of a recently abducted supermodel. Also I have purchased Liz Taylor’s organ donor card and will be having my new eyeballs installed shortly.
The procedure looked a little something like this:
Of course I could never HATE you because you’re beautiful...I have a hundred other reasons to hate you.