It's Still My Birthday:

Let me begin by thanking everyone for his or her warm heartfelt sincerest sentiments regarding and in commemoration of my day of birth. Thank you, thank you all, thanks from the bottom of my heart, thanks again, thanks.

The early evening was spent with a business acquaintance and later we went to the appropriately named The Other Side or as I like to call it The Old Gay Man Disco. First let me just say that my charming escort Craig was the handsomest of the entire population of silver fox gentlemen in the world. Anyway the crowd at this establishment is always over forty and it was nice showing up with an unobtainable previously before unseen unattached hottie who’s appeal reaches across gender lines. The rare gay handsome dandy in his natural habitat, women and men throwing themselves in his path. Stepping over the carnage ever so gracefully he joined me at the corner of the bar for all to witness. Divine.

A decidedly audible hush fell over the audience that was busily punching out numbers on their bingo cards. Not kidding. The festivities were being presided over by a one Lauren Mitchell, the bingo drag queen emcee. Honestly I knew that old girl back when she was still a boy and who in their right mind changes her moniker to the un-drag like surname Mitchell?. She was done up rather fancily with her own hair slicked back and an enormous blonde fall attached wearing a newly discarded sequin gown. It’s Mardi Gras season and a girl never wears the same gown twice so the illusion artists’ get the hand-me-downs.

You can all imagine with me as I remember the throngs of old faces that suddenly appeared, “Oh I haven’t seen you in ages, and what brings you out this evening?” Which I responded in my head with, “Yes it apparently has been ages judging by the lines on your face since I saw you last and What brought me out tonight? You mean whom darling? Craig, his name is Craaay’g. and what brought me out of reclusivity? Why it’s my birthday of course...How old am I? I‘m 55 years old today.” I always lie up. Then with bewilderment they always say, “You look good!” I won't go into sordid details because it’s fairly obvious that I’m an easy whore but it was a lovely lovely evening.

In other exciting news and as frequent commenter Mitzi reminded me, it was Farrah’s birthday today. We share so much in common, Farrah and I, both being Aquarians. Just a scant eighteen years separate the two of us, we both enjoy frosting our hair, having dysfunctional relationships, and possessing a raving beauty that needs to be toned down in order for others not to feel uncomfortable around us. It’s a curse really. Farrah has visited my dreams upon occasion. It all started when she skateboarded her way into my adolescent (television friends) life. Once when I cleaned out a storage room to make a clubhouse she and Lee Majors visited me there where she perched herself on a ledge that ran around the room. She recently visited me in dream-state where I escorted her to a Hollywood party and she nervously clutched at my arm preventing me from circulating. I’m overdue for a Farrah dream.

As you all know if I can’t be Gene Tierney then I am Farrah Fawcett. As Farrah is in a battle for her life with her demons and her cancer, I look to each day with Farrah as a special little gift. Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to Farrah, Happy birthday to Farrah Fawcett Majors O'neeeee’al, Happy birthday to ME...and you.

Oh and I received the most wonderful present. My very own Butt Rub T-shirt. I can’t wait to wear it out one evening. Just for the record and for those that are interested in such things, On my birthday I wore the palest of pink fine-line dress shirt with a pink and blue rep tie. Navy blue blazer with brass buttons, faded distressed jeans and tasseled loafers. I know it was ever so chic and could only have been improved with the appearance of Farrah breezing through the swinging doors with a giant horse shoe made of flowers that she tossed across the room and around my neck in a perfect ringer. I’ll settle for the effortless attentions afforded by the handsome Craaay’g.


  1. I want dirty, sordid, whorish details.

    And a full wardrobe report.

  2. What?! Well, Happy Birthday, darling!


  3. yes...I'm with tjb.
    And happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I stormed into the comments section filled with irate demands for dirt, only to find everyone had beaten me to it. Never the less, let me repeat, come across, bitch.

    Oh, and happy b'day, you little Fawcett, you.

  5. if it is still your birthday, then i am not too late to say happy!!!

  6. That Farrah scene on the skateboard on the highway with the stunt person has always been bananas! Happy Bday!!!

  7. happy belated birthday!
    if you ever get to houston, email me, i'll show you where gene tierney is buried, not too far from howard hughes.