Entrapment, 9/11, Aretha, and The Inauguration Ball:

I watched the movie Entrapment starring Sean Connery and Katherine Zeta-Jones-Douglass a few years ago and it was then that I hatched my own 9/11 conspiracy theory. In the movie Katherine Zeta-Jones-Douglass knocks off a major multinational banking facility in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. She manages to nab $8 Billion in a few seconds by skimming pennies from bank transfers.

I then decided that the World Trade Center was exactly like the bank in the Katherine Zeta-Jones-Douglass movie and that our government and our President knocked it off. The event probably erased debt that belonged to the President and his constituents and padded their bank accounts at the same time. Then the buildings crashed to the ground removing any evidence of tampering. I assume that this actually happened and therefore it’s true, because I assumed it.

Then the intelligence agencies invented Osama Bin Laden the mysterious terrorist that has never been seen publicly. I had never heard of him before, had you? Then the war started and the troops went hunting for him. All they found was Saddam Hussein. Isn’t that a coincidence that they found Hussein instead of Bin Laden when the Bush family has been feuding with him since forever? They have never caught Bin Laden because he isn’t real.

So I have been patiently waiting until the last day of Bush’s evil regime expecting to see some poor unsuspecting Muslim man who looks like Bin Laden to lose his head then have it paraded around the world on a stick. So that Bush will appear to be a hero for saving us from the world’s number one terrorist that doesn’t actually exist. I imagine this to happen sometime around lunch on Tuesday January 20th 2009 just in time to interrupt Obama’s inauguration.

That’s my theory and I assume it’s true without any factual information to back it up because it’s true.

In other news, what does one wear on inauguration day? Do I wear a ball gown? I just love wearing ball gowns. Wearing a ball gown for no apparent reason is so decadent. Just lounge around in front of the TV wearing my inauguration ball gown while watching the inauguration.

I feel certain that Aretha will be there performing as she always does wearing a ball gown engineered with aircraft cable straps to hold her enormous hooters in place. Over which she’ll have a luxurious fur coat made from many many dead animal pelts. It takes a lot of pelts.

So I set about perusing the local sales circulars in the Sunday Paper in search of just the right inauguration ensemble. I’ve narrowed it down to one of these three looks and they are all 30 % off!


  1. The first time I read this. I read this:

    "She manages to nab $8 Billion in a few seconds by skimming penises..."

    Which got me to thinking of my own conspiracy now.

  2. I'm partial to the orange jumpuit. I'd add a fur wrap, however.

  3. I like the orange jumpsuit too, with a nice shiny helmet!

    Re. Aretha's gown I didn't know Isambard Kingdom Brunel did fashions.

  4. I'm partial to the overalls and scruffy beard myself.