Thanksgiving Through the Ages Part I:

Atlanta has become so internationally chic and the formerly strict southern city that was once only viewed in terms of black and white is now a multi-cultural rainbow of illegal imports. While stopping into the local McDonalds for a restroom break I was immediately enveloped by many numerous foreign tongues. I suppose it has something to do with that airport trucking them in by the airbus loads. My parents had planned a pressing art filled activity agenda with no time to waste and thus began the Atlanta Tour Through the Ages.

First on the list backtracking in time to prehistory and backtracking a hundred miles or so to the famed and wondrous, Callaway Gardens. My childhood friend Lou Ann Pittman would respond when presented with my summer schedule of fabulous vacation destinations like Disney World with her usual, “Well we’re going to Callaway Gardens AND Delta Village…they say Delta Village is bigger and better than ever.” It made her feel superior.

The fabled gardens of which she spoke were not exactly what I expected. Envisioning lush manicured formal gardens, I was presented with a mountain forest. Could this be the same Callaway Gardens that immediately brings to mind petticoated southern maidens running down grassy hillsides with parasols? You live and learn. The staff of Callaway is entirely populated by lesbians and not just everyday ordinary lesbians but the earthy variety that circulate incoherent directions and spurious misinformation.

Three items on the list of must see Callaway experiences were the Butterfly Conservatory, the Birds of Prey exhibit, and lastly the holiday themed Fantasy in Lights display to be taken by tram.

The butterfly atrium was a humid habitat filled with tropical plants and a variety of enormous butterfly specimens. Capturing them with a camera was a challenge and it was then that I realized why scientist do it, much easier to stab them with a pin and marvel later under magnifying glass.

Birds of Prey was a thrilling experience conducted again by lesbians armed with a flat script and clumsy attempts at humor. The stage is not the environment for these gals however it was for the birds. A showoff ham of a hawk flew out on cue did his little tricks of swooping over the audience eating his reward then returning to his cage with the assurance of a seasoned professional.

The other birds were pretty good also but Wow was that hawk really good he stole the show. He should be a star not working these sideshow gigs. He needs better representation. He needs better management. The talent surrounding him was not of his caliber.

We learned that Callaway Gardens had not always been the beautiful environment that we saw around us. It was planted only fifty years ago. Before that the rocky mountaintop was planted with cotton fields. Spending my childhood in Mississippi and summers in Natchez where cotton was king I can’t imagine trying to eek out a living growing such a crop in such harsh conditions.

While driving through the park we noticed the little wire outlines of teddy bears and geese wrapped with lights that surely was to be our Fantasy in Lights tram driven attraction. It was cold up on Walton Mountain and didn’t relish the thought so we skipped it. Night John Boy.

Sensible suit, sturdy shoes, Doberman Pinscher, more evidence of lesbic activity at Callaway Gardens.


  1. I see Flora and Fauna; the Doberman lady must be Merriweather.

  2. Do the lesbians have informational plaques too? I do hope so.

  3. so gorgeous is Hotlanta. Your comment on my blog are shesheterical and I thank you.

    HAPPY HOLDAZE to you all down there in Atlanta.

  4. Yeah, I don't think earthy lesbians are going to get that hawk the big bucks (as it were).

  5. How charming. They had cotton fields on a mountain? No wonder the butterflies won out.

  6. Why not just name it "Lesbian Gardens" and get it over with? Those butterflies are purty. Great pics!

  7. You do take a good picture. Do lesbian eat butterflies? I've heard that they eat babies but surly not pretty butterflies.

  8. TJB – I did notice little Flora and Fauna formaldehyded and stuck with pins in a glass box for easier viewing.

    Jason – The Lesbians do indeed sport informational plaques they say things like, “Hello my name is Mary” and other intentionally misleading outright lies.

    Billy – Thanks for stopping by…FINALLY!

    Elizabeth – Yes the Earthy Ones always settle for second rate. I see the hawk working some big draw like Medieval Times Restaurant. Oh wait that post is coming up soon!

    Peenee – I know right? Hillbillies I spose. Can you imagine the luxurious Lesbionic high quality thread count of pure Callaway Mountaintop Combed Cotton Sheets?

    Ray – “Lesbian Gardens” has a certain ring to it and you took the Lesbian right out of my mouth…I’m forever grateful.

    Mitzi – I imagine Lesbians eat pretty much any living creature but they are known for their diet of FISH.

    To any Lesbians reading or eating this tripe…relax…it’s all in jest and I’m just having fun at your expense.