Art Show:

This weekend it was time for the art festival, again. I swear this town must have about a hundred art festivals a year but this one is the big one, The Greater Gulf Coast Arts Festival. The artist’s are invited from all over the country to show and then they are juried upon their submissions. They only include a few local artists’ work. I had someone ask me to keep an eye out for something particular that might look good in her bedroom to hang over the mantle so I took along my camera.

I found a few pieces that might interest her and in each case I scouted around for the artist to chat with them get a card and ask permission to photograph their work. In each instance they were very obliging after explaining my reasons for photographing, except for one.

I spotted a little painting of a woodland scene in a booth otherwise empty of patrons and the artist. I looked around and found no one who claimed the work. Since I was in a hurry and had many more exhibits to see I took out my camera and snapped a quick photo.

Then I heard a beastly voice yell out, “What the hell do you think you are doing?” I looked up to find an angry old man glowering at me with his knitted brows in a position of disapproval. I stated that I was searching for a piece of artwork and that this one fit the bill and was unable to locate him even after asking out loud, “Does anyone know where I can find the artist?” Then he stated that the piece in question was suddenly no longer available. I said, “That was good as I’m no longer interested and that he might want to put a sold sticker on it. Also it would be helpful if you put out a sign saying, ‘I discriminate’ so other undesirables don’t wander in and make the same mistake.” I walked out but not before I picked up one his cards. He silently stared at me and I said, “Just so I’ll remember.”

So in honor of this asshole that shall not be given any credit, I have decided to deface the little painting in question.

Next I stumbled on a print that represented a view of Paris from Notre Dame. The artist was very friendly and allowed me to take a picture. I then sent it to my friend who stated that it was perfect and that she was on her way down to negotiate. She ended up buying two others. See it pays to be nice and not piss off a decorator and a decorator that will soon poison your name in the community and spill the details that you paint with evil.

I soon began to grow weary of the artwork and the artists, let them starve. I’ve seen most of their work before...I need new I need bold I need a drink.

I overheard two snooty ladies walking behind me dressed in leather coats and thigh high boots with hair much longer than women their age should be wearing say, “I could probably paint that besides most of these artists are fags.” Her friend said, “What?” To which she replied, “Well ninety-nine percent are fags and have you ever heard of a straight man being an artist?” I stopped in my tracks and turned around to look them in the eye and when I did a great pile of dirt kicked onto their leather boots. The meanest one gave me a, “Ungh” sound. I just looked at her and said, “Ha Ha that’s what you deserve be gone before another fag kicks some dirt on you.” I turned around and kept on walking. A lot of mean grouchy people were out and they were making me grouchy. I don’t think they were happy about the election. I really needed a drink.

While enjoying a nice beer I listened to the cutest little barefooted Aboriginal boy playing the didgeridoo.

Then I became interested in the real artwork, the people. I spied a hot dad with a nice ass wearing Lee jeans. I spotted a pear shaped lady that reminded me of a Botero painting. Is it art? You decide.

I wandered over to the children’s and performing arts section. A friendly and gorgeous Portuguese girl greeted me who was only too happy to pose with her digital image on display. The image of course consisted of a manipulated repetition of herself.

Next I spotted a woman that had just performed a dance wearing a beautiful native Panamanian dress that she herself had stitched. She was only too happy to pose also.

Two Moanin’ Leeza’s

My favorite was a large piece that looked like it was nothing more than some art board painted black. I was intrigued. I thought it was so avant-garde that someone would just paint black and call it art until I moved in closer and looked at the piece from an angle.

First prize was awarded to a drawing entitled, “Two Girls Gettin’ They Hair Did”.

What the ladies was wearing on a November day…

Finally a belly dancing piece as interpreted by the Pensacola Belly Dancing Society.


  1. What a fabulous pictorial. You really do a good job at making Florida seem like a strange and exotic place filled with interesting and potentially dangerous natives! Those bitches in the thigh high boots are just pissed off republican housewives whose candidate lost and whose husbands are fucking younger, more beautiful republican women. Good for you for letting them know their hate is noticed and not appreciated, to put it lightly. great post!

  2. Can't beleive those hateful bitches actually used the F word. Cunts. Oh, yes she did!

  3. Oh,I miss Florida!
    I used to live in Sarasota.

    Now is the perfect time of year to drive past a field of orange blossoms at night with the windows down and....inhale the fragrance!

    Then get yourself a plate of nicely grilled mahi-mahi with s huge slab of key lime pie for'll feel much better!

  4. Oh, how I admire you for that clod of dirt and taking that card!
    God bless you!

    And I couldn't have picked a better first place than Gettin' They Hair Did if I had done so myself.

  5. Awesome post. And thanks for dirting up those awful women.

  6. You so totally rock. You're my new hero!

  7. That was lovely Ayem8y, it was like having a day out without leaving the house.