Spokes Modeling:

Local bumbling redneck spokespersons are a rare breed. I find ads while thumbing through the Northwest Florida panhandle entertainment trade papers that state, “Fulfill your dreams of becoming an in demand spokes personality.”

Eligible applicants undergo rigorous training including courses in, fidgety on-air body behavior, country accent voice modulation and mind/body disassociation for more pronounced awkward hand gesturing.

Upon graduation you are matched-up and permanently placed with a local business in need of corny spokes services. There you will (in 30 second promos) irritate viewers forever.

Meet Hank Browne a recent graduate of spokes model school. He is a [ferny-tur] business owner who was desperately in need of the sales driven promotions afforded by a quality personality. When he was unable to be successfully matched with a model he took matters into his own hands. He enrolled in broadcast personality courses and became the permanent spokes model for Home Place Furniture.


  1. Everyday, somewhere in the UK, a discount sofa sale is either starting or ending, except that they never end, do they? It must be the same the whole world over. We may face water shortages and food rationing as a result of climate change but we can rest assured we'll still be able to buy that lovely brown leather corner unit at only £795 yes £795!

  2. wow tuh wow sayvins indeed